Relationship Advice: How to love men – No theory, only practical working advice.
Relationship Advice: How to Love Men—No Theory, Only Practical Working Advice.
10 observations from practicing psychologist Natalia Belousova about how to love a man. No theory, only practical working advice.
While each situation is unique, women tend to be more emotional and require more time to reach logical conclusions. During the interval between feeling and thought, she manages to screw up and ruin communication. Due to inexperience and the peculiarities of upbringing, some girls live exclusively in this interval; they never have time to reason because another emotion or fantasy overtakes them, and the cycle starts over again. Boring men by nature are not inclined to build castles in the air inside themselves and live in a geometrically simple world of outwardly obvious realities. To get out of the gloom, a woman should learn to slow down her emotional processes and force her thinking ones, and at first, at least mindlessly follow the rules from her psychologist aunt.
1. Remember every minute what the purpose of your relationship with a man is
For normal people, the goal of a relationship is to provide maximum comfort for a long time, that is, to make yourself and your partner happy. So repeat this to yourself every time you feel like teaching, treating, criticizing your boyfriend, taking it out on him during PMS, being violently jealous, asking about his leisure time, expressing your opinion about his friends, arguing about politics, religion, and the color of his pants. Is your rightness or interest in a particular situation worth the peace and joy that you deprive your partner of? During therapy sessions, I listen to both the couple and each individual separately. Without delving into unethical details, but adhering to the spirit of freedom, I can state that approximately two-thirds of conflict originates from the scenario where a woman invents a problem and exaggerates the man’s lack of response to it to the point of tragedy.
2. Praise him
If he is not worthy of praise and does everything crookedly, what the hell are you doing next to this loser? Leave; do not prolong each other’s agony; see point 1. Do not be a grumpy mother, a strict boss, or a capricious daughter for him; from all these hypostases, take only positive components: constant, but unobtrusive care, interest in his growth, and admiration for his coolness.
Many people heard the expression “overpraise—spoiled” in childhood. Well, this is a myth. It is impossible to overpraise an adult sane person; he has a bar of self-esteem. And to praise does not mean to flatter; it means to look at him with a desire to see the good. Praise is pleasant to everyone; if you do not take it into service, there will be smarter people with whom he will communicate.
3. Don’t humiliate him or make a scene in public.
Sorting out relationships in public places is taboo because the public image of respectability and reliability is much more important for a man than for a woman, who, under the current social system, can still afford to be a beautiful, frivolous empty shell.
When the “other half,” the most trusted person, begins to undermine the man’s authority in front of his friends, colleagues, or the crowd on the subway, it is perceived as a knife in the back. This is often forgiven, but never forgotten. Making a man lose face is one of the most colossal strategic miscalculations of a woman in a relationship. It will come back to haunt you, no doubt about it. So wait with the claims until you get home; at the same time, you will cool down and think about them; see point 1.
4. Don’t use diminutives when addressing him.
Vitenka, Ptenchik, Kitty, Zayats, Masya, and Lapulya are not how your boyfriend sees himself in his dreams. It’s like if he started calling you “mother,” “girlfriend,” “private Jane,,” or “superboobs.” Can you imagine? Forget about diminutive suffixes forever; save the affectionate ones for especially successful sex.
5. Support his endeavors, even the most idiotic ones.
When he takes your wedding rings away to play a little more on the slot machines, that’s one thing. When he’s into ice fishing, playing the trombone, cross-stitching, biathlon, collecting garden gnomes, selling his own canned adjika online—that’s something elentdifferent. ly. The desire to resist new initiatives is inherent in every person’snature, because any system strives to maintain balance, but here you’ll have to be smarter than nature.
Proceed from a realistic assessment of the maximum possible damage to you personally and to the general family well-being. You feel sorry for a couple of thousand dollars for the happiness of your loved one with the fish, and after that you are surprised how fiercely he hates your trips to shoe sstores. o the gnomes cluttered up the hallway and two loggias, and is it really that terrible? And again: if you do not appreciate and support, someone else will do it, and at this point you will distance yourself.
6. The most stunning view is for him, not for a class reunion
The syndrome of a victorious hunter losing interest in the game he has caught is as common for women as it is for men. Just because you have lassoed him into cohabitation or tied the knot with him does not mean that he is now forever in love with you. Yes, it is vulgar, mean, and banal, but about half of my male patients complained about the facts of neglect of the girl’s appearance after the relationship entered a stable rut.
If he was attracted to a physicist with grayhair, in a brown plaid vest and worn-out boots, he knew what he was getting into. However, if you were a blonde with curls and roses in your wedding photos and are now a cropped individual in a comfortable jumpsuit, do not blame me if they cease to perceive you as an attractive woman.
Especially when you put on make-up and buy a new dress for corporate events, and at home you wear the same delicate pastel clothes (which the male eye perceives as faded and asexual). It’s very simple, but women never stop making this mistake.
7. He is the bboss,and that’s it.
Seriously, it’s so convenient. The main problem feminists have is trying to, figuratively speaking, unload wagons when they could be dancing instead. Whether it’s due to evolution, social conditioning, or upbringing in most families, men are typically raised to be problem solvers, leaders, captains, etc. It doesn’t humiliate you in any way unless you decide you want to be humiliated.
One girl perceives an extended hand when getting off the bus as gallantry,another ass a hint at her inability to jump over a puddle due to the physical weakness of her short legs. It is clear which of them enjoys communicating with the opposite sesexnd which suffers from the oppression of chauvinists. And it is up to you to decide which girl to be. Give him the joy of being strong, acting, tthinking,and playing first fiddle. Let the man lead, and the dance will work.
Even if he is not always right, you can quietly correct the situation later: even when in fact you are doing the lion’s share, if you love yourpartner, simulatingg the picture “you are my hero, I am just there to help” will not be difficult. Realize your will to power in other places. For example, with gays, they do not care.
8. Speak about important things directly, without hints.
Men understand hints, but more often these are hints from other men or hints that are advantageous for them to understand. They (except perhaps the Japanese) do not talk about the essence of the matter in Athe Aesopianlanguage. When your husband wants to sell a client a batch of motorcycles,says, “We “We have a well-known brand, the warranty period is average for the market, and for wholesale we will knock 7% off,” and not, “The autumn leaf has withered on the lonely elm that grew on the sad hill, and it is time to harness the iron horse to the intelligent creature and flee these places to the south as quickly as possible.”
So, state it simply, but not globally, not “tell me straight, you’ve fallen out of love with me, haven’t you?”ut “I’m tired of collecting your worms for ice fishing all over the hohouse;y mother didn’t raise me for this; hire a housekeeper.”
9. Don’t put him at the center of your universe and don’t demand that he put you at the center of his
I don’t mean genuine concern for each other’s needs or the depth of love, but demands ntion on trifles. Half-hour phone conversations five times a day about nothing irritate almost any man. Psychological dependence on his opinion flatters him, but it also irritates him.
Therefore, do not try to officially dedicate your life to him, it him;ery scary, and reproaches for inattention combined with empty emotional manifestations will tire him out very quickly, and you will be left crying and exclaiming,,, “Ungrateful, I gave him all of myself.” You don’t even need all of you, let’s be honest. And it is clearly reasonable to offer him the most delicious parts.
10. Learn to cook delicious food
And cook. This is not up for discussion. The equivalent of “she doesn’t cook” for you is “he brings less money into the house than she does.” Well, we have equality, isequality;what you wanted?
