Love Advice: If you start waiting for someone or something, leave.
If you start waiting for someone or something, leave. You are in a relationship. For this principle, it doesn’t matter what kind. Sex without commitment, with serious intentions, some kind of relationship with a touch of infatuation… In fact, any close contact with another person is a relationship . Even one without commitment. The absence of mutual commitment is not a lack of respect, not a lack of tact, not a lack of attention to the needs of another person.
Any relationship between people is based on the fact that you are aware of your interests and recognize the interests of the other. An article that will help dot the i’s and cross the t’s.
If you stick to satisfying only your own needs, you will become a cruel manipulator, even to the point of abuse.
If you stop considering your own interests and only worry about the other person’s comfort, you will become a victim. These are all variants of dependent relationships. And “just sex” is the shortest path to them.
A healthy relationship in any format assumes that the interests of both parties are satisfied.
If you feel the need for attention but do not receive it, then either negotiate acceptable conditions or look for a person with whom you can satisfy this need without straining him.
If you repeatedly ignore the fact that your needs in a relationship are not being met, you become a codependent person.
A vague or obvious feeling of dissatisfaction, if not drowned out by rational arguments, will not let you make the mistake of thinking that something is wrong with the relationship.
You always feel it—a communication has begun, similar to chewing gum. It’s as if you are on one end of a stretched rubber band, and the other end is at the object of your dreams or desire.
It wouldn’t hurt so much if you played with tension and compression. At a certain stage of life, it can even be fun. But if you feel that someone else is playing and you are no longer holding this sticky stuff in your hands but have glued it to your heart (or to another heart that is located in the pelvic organs), stop.
Let go of your end. Or take the one that’s holding the other. Throw this tasteless, useless drag to hell.
You write one message, then another, then a third. And in response, silence. Or a response to the fifth message, but then again—silence.
You call, and he hangs up . Two hours later, he hangs up again. A day later, he hangs up. Two days later, he simply doesn’t answer.
You are waiting for a marriage proposal. He promised. But then he went silent without explanation. You can’t get through to him; you can’t come to an agreement.
You feel that he is unfaithful . There are facts, but he avoids a direct conversation. He fidgets and wriggles.
And there are many more situations when you feel that a painful drag has begun…
Finish it . Turn on your will and endurance—and finish it. Perhaps if you have already managed to become attached, it will hurt. But if you stay, then the pain will increase many times over. If you need help or support, go to a specialist.
This doesn’t mean you have to write frustrated messages: “F0d0n0k, I’m leaving.” Decide for yourself what you need and want from the relationship. At the very least, you need your needs for clarity and information to be taken into account. That’s what you can communicate.
Of course, we are not talking about waiting for a man to return from war or an expedition. We are talking about a man who is available in every sense (he has a connection, the strength in his fingers to press the buttons on the phone) suddenly becoming unavailable.
He probably works long and hard, and it’s okay if he doesn’t respond to your message within ten minutes or a couple of hours. But if your message goes unanswered for days instead of hours, then he didn’t really want to.
If you begin to make excuses for him, understand that you have already attached a tainted rubber band to your heart. If you start looking for decent explanations for your silence, then you are holding the other end of this rubber band.
Each of us knows deep down that we will always find a few words for someone who is truly dear to us.
There may be a couple more nuances… Let’s say he is depressed. Not in this intelligent off-season blues, but in a real depression that is a disease. No action or inaction on your part will change anything anyway.
Depression has not speculative but quite real signs: sleep, weight, food, anxiety, depressed state, headaches, muscle pain, etc. You can only recommend a doctor; maybe insist on a visit. But the choice is always up to the person.
Or the relationship has hit a low point. This is normal. All relationships have cycles: strong, a lot, close, barely, a little, far. You and your partner may not be in phase. They distance themselves; you disagree.
He moves away again, and you start to catch up, to get him, to dig him out of the hole. This is also like stretching an elastic band. He leaves and pulls you along with him. Let go of the end and stop. Don’t stop in life; stop in the race.
If you start waiting for someone or something, stop waiting. Return to your inner house, to yourself . This always helps in normalizing relationships.
