Love Advice: What both wives and mistresses make mistakes in
10 THINGS A MATURE WOMAN WON’T DO FOR LOVE. Your task, Vera, is very simple – lie down, drink champagne… In classical literature, love is often presented as sacrificial. Starting from “Romeo and Juliet” and ending with “The Master and Margarita”, lovers go to all sorts of torments and tricks for each other, do not stay together for long, and then part or even die. Love does not come easy, for its sake you need to suffer, wait, languish and endure.
10 THINGS A MATURE WOMAN WON’T DO FOR LOVE:
I guess I read a lot of books about hard, sacrificial love in my youth, so for a long time my love was exactly like that, full of drama, tears and goodbyes. It seemed that without them, it wasn’t love at all, but just a frivolous hobby. Fortunately, I saw the light, or maybe I just grew up or got tired of suffering. Now love for me is a quiet joy. And no sacrifices.
I’m almost 42 and sometimes I like to be cynical. To say that I don’t believe in love, romance, eternal happiness. With men I’m like bamboo – I don’t hesitate to tell them what I like, don’t like and what my desires are. I tell them to go to hell, also without hesitation.
I periodically check myself, has my heart turned to stone and my soul shrunk? After all, before I could wait for days for one text message, I would go somewhere to the ends of the earth if he invited me, I would buy expensive gifts without thinking, just to please him, I would cook breakfasts and lunches from dishes that, of course, my beloved man preferred, I would torment my friends with endless “he said, what did that mean?”
Naturally, this “he” hid different men, I loved some of them, lived with some of them, was simply in love with some of them, was carried away by some of them without reciprocity. But the feelings that the male figure evoked were similar – each time I was ready to do a lot for the sake of love. If this readiness has now passed, does that mean that the ability to love has passed too?
In our youth, we painfully search for ourselves; at 18-25, we are just a raw “Something”. How can you understand what you like, where your boundaries are, and who you are in general, without trying different experiences? That is why in our youth, we readily throw ourselves into any experiments – with appearance, profession, sex, love.
After 25, we already have some kind of framework – we have received an education, professional experience, have had our share of bumps and bruises with sex and love. We are no longer so unrestrained in experiments, more determined in our goals. Many have already gotten married and have children. Or are starting to build serious relationships with the prospect of all this.
We already understand something about life, but we still understand very little about ourselves. We confuse our desires with the desires of society. We replace love with sacrifice. It seems to us that we need to please a man, otherwise he will be offended and leave.
Maturity is for me the age of a true encounter with oneself. After the “blind” youth, the youth “for the sake of someone”, we begin to live for ourselves and for ourselves. This does not mean that we do not need anyone.
We have become successful, selfish, self-sufficient loners. No. We want love, we want warmth, we want relationships, just like we did at 20. We just understand that in a healthy relationship, all of this is mutual. A man either wants the same thing, or he doesn’t stay in our lives. As Omar Khayyam said, “I don’t need someone who doesn’t need me.”
10 THINGS A MATURE WOMAN WON’T DO FOR LOVE: That’s why I’m more:
1. I don’t wait for men’s calls or messages.
I either write myself or delete the contacts of those who don’t find time for a short reply “sorry, I’m busy today, I’ll call when I’m free.”
2. I don’t go on dates if the place and time are inconvenient for me.
For a meeting to be a joy, it must be convenient for both. If a man is not interested in the time, desire, or convenience of a woman, then he is not interested in the woman at all. And I don’t need such a man.
3. I do not forgive the lack of gifts on my birthday and other holidays that are important to me.
I like men who like to spend money on the woman they like, which is me. People who are stingy financially are usually stingy in everything else. Inattention to dates that are important to a person is inattention to the person as a whole.
We want to pamper and please those we are in love with. Everything that is important to them becomes important to us. If it is not important, or you feel sorry for it, or you forgot it – you can forget my number too;
4. I don’t look for excuses for men’s lack of well-being and success.
This does not mean that I only need money from a man. But “with a loved one, even in a hut is heaven” is definitely not a story from the life of a mature woman. We left our huts at 20 and 30, at 40 we already have a comfortable life built with our own hands and no excuses;
5. I don’t keep quiet about what I don’t like.
Of course, I don’t drive a man crazy with endless nagging. But there are things that another person doesn’t realize simply because he’s different. If I don’t like high speed, it scares me, then I don’t keep quiet or gasp in admiration if a man accelerates to 120 km/h.
I also don’t say irritably, “Where are you going, how are you driving?” I calmly say, “Please don’t speed, I’m nervous and I’m scared.”
6. I am not afraid to ask any questions.
I am also ready to answer myself. In youth, we are afraid to clarify the unclear, because we do not want to scare, strain or hurt a man. But it is precisely this lack of clarity that later creates wounds in ourselves. I do not want any more wounds, so I clarify everything.
7. I don’t iron men’s shirts.
I don’t like ironing. Even my shirts are a burden to me. I no longer do anything for a man that is a burden to me. If he loves me, he will iron his shirt himself.
8. I don’t mistake sex for love.
Sex can be connected with love, or it can be not. Love for me is to iron your shirt, to be silent with me in the morning, because I don’t like to talk in the morning, to remember the name of my cat and how many spoons of sugar I put in my coffee, to bring a bouquet of freshly cut peonies wet from the rain in May, to come and silently fix a leaky faucet. If none of this is there, and there is only sex, then we are just fucking.
9. I am not jealous of a man’s friends or work.
Or to children from previous relationships. If a man loves me, he finds time for me. Includes me in his busy schedule of meetings, trips, football with friends or fishing with his son.
Because I also live a dense, full life. If we both find time for each other, then everything is ok, we have a relationship. If only I find time for a relationship, and the man is always busy, then I need to look for someone else for a relationship.
10. I don’t try to look better for a man.
On the contrary, when meeting someone I can be even worse, ruder, more cynical, more straightforward. I am not shy about telling about my problems or difficulties. The one who needs to will always look deeper and further. The one who does not will pass by.
I am almost 42 years old. And I am bamboo. Straight, strong, flexible, unpretentious. It is difficult to break, bend or uproot me. I have hardened. But I still want to love. I am just not ready to make sacrifices for this. Love is creation, not sacrifice and destruction. Let’s create.
