No relationship is always rosy. Everyday stress and unnecessary arguments disrupt the initial harmony. Once you take off your rose-tinted glasses, your relationship must survive the reality check.
Many women believe it’s normal for a little drama to keep a relationship exciting. But if your partner sends you on an emotional rollercoaster too often, you have to ask yourself if your relationship is still healthy for you.
1. How does he treat you after a bad day?
Healthy
After a bad day at work, your mood can be at rock bottom. Everyone reacts differently to stress at work. If your partner comes home annoyed and doesn’t want to talk about his worries right away, give him the space he needs to calm down. After a walk, a visit to the gym, or an evening with a good film or book, the worst will soon be over. If he is willing to share his worries with you, he will come back to you. But also accept that he may not want to talk about the anger that has already passed.
Unhealthy
A partner who is not good for you will shut himself off when he is stressed. Be it a conflict at work or between friends. When he is angry, he will suddenly declare war on you for no reason. He sees everything you say and do as a provocation. You are his outlet for pent-up anger that he has swallowed for too long. You should not have to pay the price for that.
2. How does he behave towards your family?
Healthy
In a healthy relationship, your partner shows interest in your relatives. After all, your mother could become his mother-in-law one day, and it’s best not to upset her. The perfect partner will be happy to accompany you to family gatherings, be it birthdays, Christmas, or coffee with grandma and grandpa on Sundays. He is attentive and remembers what your sister wanted for her birthday or knows your father’s favorite brand of whiskey. Congratulations! He loves your family.
But none of this is a must! It’s more of a great “feature” if your husband goes along with it without grumbling or complaining. If he doesn’t feel like meeting up with his mom for the third Sunday in a row and would rather spend the day alone on the couch, that’s perfectly fine. Not every man is a pack animal like you.
Unhealthy
If your partner gets in a bad mood just thinking about your family, you should be careful. Is it just nervousness before the first meeting, or is there more to it? If he sees family meetings as a chore or even torture, you need to find out where this aversion comes from. If he is serious about you, it should be possible to arrange such meetings now and then.
3. Does he support you in your development?
Healthy
A healthy relationship is always a matter of give and take. You and your partner don’t have to have the same hobbies and interests, but they should support you if you want to try new things. You want to get a raise from your boss, so they prepare for your big talk with you. They are happy for you about your successes, even if things aren’t going so well for them at work.
Unhealthy
You get a raise, and your partner is furious that he’s left empty-handed again? At game night, he can’t stand the fact that you beat him for the third time at Ludo. He sees everything as a competition and gets annoyed quickly if you want to go out without him on Friday. He doesn’t like your friends and wants to force you to make a decision—him or her. Ultimatums are an absolute no-go in a relationship.
4. How does he react when he messes up? How does he behave after an argument?
Healthy
An unfair comment during an argument or an important appointment that he forgot—your boyfriend has hurt you a lot with his behavior. It can always happen that your partner hurts you unintentionally and cannot always fulfill your expectations. Nobody is perfect. It is important for a healthy relationship if he recognizes that he behaved incorrectly in certain situations. If your feelings are important to him, he will want to make it up to you.
Unhealthy
Your partner is displaying unhealthy behavior if he tries to blame you for everything in every argument. He can’t and won’t ever put himself in your shoes and shows no insight when mistakes are made. If he can never admit that he was wrong, he will never be able to take responsibility for his behavior and will slowly but surely poison your relationship. By the way: Avoiding arguments can also be unhealthy for a relationship. You can find out more here.
5. Does he respond to your calls and messages?
Healthy
While he’s in an important meeting, he hangs up your call. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you, but in some situations, he can’t help it. As soon as he finds time, he’ll text or call you. If it’s an emergency, he’ll always find time for you. If he’s the kind of guy who hates texting,
