It’s like an unwritten law that if you go after something, if you keep on chasing it, it gets further and further away. The same goes for love. The more you think about it, the more you do to attain it, the sooner it slips right through your fingers.
I remember waking up in the middle of the night gasping for air, terrified that I will never find the one. That I will end up alone. That time will slip away. That I will be too old. That I will have nobody but myself to turn to.
Those dreams and those thoughts haunted me so much that I became desperate in my mission of finding “the one”. I moved too fast. I expected too much too soon. I lived in delusion instead of living in reality. That’s why I would always end up with someone utterly wrong for me. I would give my whole heart to the ones who weren’t worth a second look. I was running in tireless circles until I realized I have to stop.
I had to change my ways. They were leading me nowhere. I had to gather up all my courage and wait for what I want and deserve. I had gotten tired of almost relationships and half loves. And though waiting was the hardest choice, I decided to go through with it.
I decided that this time I am going to build a relationship with myself. Somehow, I had lost sight of who I am in that search for love. It was time to find that person again. To reinvent myself. To do the things I had always wanted but had never taken the time.
I really managed to find myself again. I was the same and so different at the same time. This time, my past was nothing more than my teacher. I learned who I am, my likes and dislikes, needs, wants, ambitions and aspirations—most importantly what I am willing to put up with and what I will not tolerate under any circumstances.
I decided to stop allowing my desire for love to cloud my judgments. I stopped inviting toxic men into my life by not allowing them to treat me poorly—by not being the one they could easily mess around and manipulate.
Eventually, I got what I wanted. Without chasing for love, I let it come to me. And it took its precious time. It didn’t come when I expected it. It came unannounced and in the most awkward moment. I wasn’t looking for love anymore. I did my own thing and just let things happen.
Now I know why it hadn’t worked out with anyone before. The things I feel for him now are beyond anything I ever felt for anybody. For the first time, I know I am where I always supposed to be and in spite of occasional fears, I know he is here to stay.
Listen to my advice. I have been there. Don’t hold on to someone who is not right for you. They are only blocking your path to finding love. They are making you miss out on life, on yourself while you are wasting time on somebody unworthy.
When the right person comes along, you will recognize him for the way he responds to your love. There will be no need for anybody to chase after anybody. The love will flow. The feelings will be mutual. The investments will be reciprocated. And there will be no need for you to ask for something.
Your love will feel like a dream, but it will be real at the same time. It will be something you both will have to work on. You will stumble upon some problems along the way, but you will never allow them to be bigger or stronger than the bond you share.
You won’t be perfect or the same, but you will somehow find a way to fit into each other’s worlds. It will be that way because you both want it. It takes two people who are truly, madly, deeply for each other to make a relationship work. Everything else is fairy tales.
Take it from someone who knows—everything will work itself out and it will be better than you could ever imagine. Stop the chase and put your fears aside. Breathe. Work on yourself for yourself. See what you are made of. Fulfill your dreams. Love will find you when you are too busy with yourself. Love will find you when the time is right and not a minute sooner.