You would like to make me cry tonight in front of the others again. You would like to cut my veins with your words like you are using the sharpest blade.
You would like to make me sad even if I am happy. You would like to make me ugly even if I am the most beautiful woman in the room. Baby, all this is well known to me.
That’s what my life was during the last year spent with you. What are you going to do to me that you haven’t done before? You just kept all those duels without honor and honesty. You would make me crazy even though I was normal.
You would make me insecure even if I was so sure about things in my life. Now, I decided it’s done. And I have a message for you: “You can cuddle with me, you can rape me, you can kill me—it’s all the same to me. There is no mercy for you anymore. God is leading my hand and tonight, your victim is holding the sword of her abuser.”
I don’t want to think about you anymore. I don’t want to make my life miserable because you are there. I am just sad because I couldn’t discover all those latent signs of emotional abuse in time. You know what you did to me and you didn’t feel any remorse about that. For everything that happened to you it was “my fault”. Of course, abusers talk like this.
Do you remember all those times when you were silent? Now I know it was your way to punish me. You didn’t respect me and you didn’t care about how I felt.
I was afraid to talk in front of you because everything I have ever said was wrong. You made me feel that way. So, it was better to keep my mouth shut. Until you approach me first. To tell me another lie again. That I am everything valuable you have. That I am your lucky charm. I can’t believe I was buying that shit.
I still remember all those ugly jokes about me. You didn’t think twice and you told them to your friends. You were making fun of me while I was sitting alone and asking myself what is wrong with me.
Now I know everything was okay with me. My biggest mistake was to give my heart to an asshole who didn’t know to cherish me.
You never gave me a gift for my birthday. You weren’t there when I delivered our first baby. You didn’t respect my wishes because you were a freaking psycho.
When I pump my brakes now and look back, I admire how strong I was.But, you know, even the strongest women get tired eventually. From the lack of love. Lack of respect. Lack of kindness and honesty.
So did I. I had reasons to live, so I chose a life without you. And that was the best decision of my life.
There is someone special in my life now. He taught me how to love again. He showed me what a healthy relationship needs to look like. And there are no words good enough to thank him for doing so.
And you?
I hope you will find someone who will do to you all the things you have done to me. That’s the only way you can learn a lesson.
I know I learned mine and I will never settle for less in my life.
Thank you for showing me that the world is beautiful enough even if you are not part of it!
Your Ex Lover
