It is me telling the same story over and over again. I just don’t know what bad luck I have with guys, as I always bump into someone who isn’t worthy. And you were just one of them. You were just a number. One boy more who didn’t treat me like a priority. Everyone was more important than me. Fucking neighbor’s cat was more important than me. And I was always the second option. The one you came to when you had nobody to comfort you. The one you came to when you wanted to have sex. The one who was always there and the one you could always rely on.
You saw how much I loved you and you took me for granted.
You never appreciated my love and I loved you like I had never loved before – with my whole heart and soul. I was head over heels in love with you and you were just a man who wanted to get what he wanted and to fade away. You didn’t want to commit. You didn’t want our love to last. You never put a label on our relationship. And you don’t know how much that hurt me. It hurt me like it would hurt any other woman. And even when I told you about that, you said that what we had was magical and that you didn’t want to put a label on it. And I bought all your shit.
You had found a wicked way to deceive a girl who loved you. You were able to find a way toward my heart and you broke it to pieces. You didn’t even ask me how I felt. You never asked me what my aspirations were. You thought about your needs only. You were my torturer for so many years but I was incapable of letting you go. I thought that my love would make you different. I thought that you would change. Now, I see what a fool I was.
I was a fool because I was blindly in love with you. And what you felt for me was indifference.
You didn’t even know what you wanted in life. If you had told me, I would have listened to you. If you wanted to leave me, I would have let you go. But no, it was more convenient to stay close and take advantage of me. You did that because you knew that you could. And I blindly accepted all your suggestions.
I spent so many nights wondering what I did wrong. I thought I was the reason our relationship wasn’t successful. I thought that I had to change. But the harsh truth was that I didn’t have to change because I was the best girlfriend you will ever have. You were the one who had to decide what you wanted from your life, without telling me your decision. But you were a coward to even do that. You just went with the flow because that was the easier way. And I wanted to fight for you.
But fighting for someone who didn’t want to be fought for is impossible.
Unfortunately, I learned that in a tough way.
Now that you are just a painful past for me, I have learned some important lessons. I learned that I should never settle for less than I deserve. I learned to love myself in the first place. And I will never let a man play with my emotions like you did. It happened only once and it won’t happen again. I realized that I am worthy and I need a man who is the same as me.
I deserve someone who will treat me like the apple of his eye. I deserve a man who will find my happiness more important than his own. I deserve a man whose love feels like home. I deserve a man who will make all my dreams come true.
Too bad, that man won’t be YOU!