A Goodbye To My Almost Lover
My dear almost lover,
You are my hopeless dream. You’re all that I wish for and all I know I’ll never have.
If what we had was meant to be anything bigger or more important, it would’ve been. If it was meant to be, it would’ve happened. But it didn’t happen and I highly doubt it will. Because that’s all we were meant to be—just almost lovers.
We are just a possibility of two people being together that never came to life. We weren’t meant to be anything bigger than ‘what if’ questions. We weren’t meant to be anything more than the vivid desire of how wild we could have been—a image that screens itself like a looped video before my eyes as soon as I close them.
I am tired of waiting for somebody who won’t ever come for me.
For a long time, I was lead to believe that we could’ve actually been something more. The idea of how wonderful everything could be kept dancing in my head. I am making it stop just as I’m writing this to you.
You might’ve been my lover, but you could never be my love. And you know why? Because love isn’t meant to hurt so much.
Love isn’t supposed to make me cry myself to sleep. Love isn’t supposed to make me wonder if I am worth it. Love should make me feel like the most special person in this world to somebody, to you, but what we had, what you gave me, never made me feel that way.
My almost lover,
I believe I deserve more. I believe I get to have true love in my life. I believe it from the bottom of my heart and I know I’m entitled to such a love in my lifetime.
I thought you were my love, but then you kept slipping through my fingertips for way too long. And eventually, I realized you were not. I just painted you in the colors of love. But those colors never fit you to begin with.
I never wanted to see you unhappy and I thought you wanted the same for me. Maybe you didn’t mean to hurt me, maybe it wasn’t your intention to break my piece by piece, but that’s exactly what you did by not choosing me.
In you not choosing me, I made a decision to choose myself.
So, goodbye my lover. Goodbye to all the things we could’ve been. Goodbye to all those minutes, hours, and days I kept waiting for you to choose me. Goodbye to all my dreams I had for us. I’d say goodbye to us, but there wasn’t ever an ‘us’. There was just you and there was just me. And you and me never were meant to be us.
Goodbye, my almost lover, goodbye, my hopeless dream. I’m trying not to think about you. Can’t you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance, my back is turned on you. Should’ve known you’d bring me heartache, almost lovers always do.