How to ask a man for help. Golden rules!
A woman believes that if she asks, she will definitely remain indebted. We are sure that by asking for a favor, we will cause a lot of inconvenience to others.
How to ask a man for help correctly
In a relationship between a man and a woman, the ability to be friends is very important. The main function of friendship is the ability to protect and support each other. It sounds simple, but alas, upon closer examination of the relationship in a couple, one can often observe an inability to be friends. Friendship includes the ability to ask for support, because unfortunately, we do not know how to read each other’s thoughts and fulfill wishes and requests ahead of time.
The blurring of gender differences in the USSR , the fight for gender equality, and feminist slogans did their job—a woman’s ability to allow herself to be weak and helpless, the ability to ask a man for support or anything else was blocked. That is why the very first rule in the ability to ask is to UNDERSTAND.
Understand what inside you is stopping you from asking for help?
Negative attitudes and beliefs, templates, and patterns based on past experience, starting from childhood. For example, the template of family values. Mom never asked for help; she dealt with all the difficulties herself. She taught her daughter the same behavior.
Fear of disturbing or the attitude: “Do everything yourself; don’t ask anyone. Asking for help is shameful and humiliating.” Children’s attitudes. Most often, this attitude sounds like this: “A sense of duty.” A woman believes that if she asks, she will definitely remain indebted. We are sure that by asking for a favor, we will cause a lot of inconvenience to others.
Or, on the contrary, illusory beliefs, for example, “If he loves, he will figure it out himself.” Or the conviction that men are the same as women—sensitive and warm-hearted. These qualities are inherent in the fair half of humanity, so it is more difficult for a man to notice and appreciate that you need his help.
Without leaving the cash register, or rather the article, immediately look for your attitudes or beliefs that are against your ability to ask. Write them down, and opposite each one, formulate a new belief that will carry the message that asking for help is completely natural and even necessary. Look for confirmation of it in the world around you, in human relationships.
The negative attitudes listed above are joined by immersion in the ego, which gives rise to fears, anxieties, various beliefs, and features of our character. This includes the fear of rejection, the fear of being humiliated, negative experiences in the past, and the fear of becoming dependent on a man.
Another reason for the inability to ask a man for anything is the psychological immaturity of a woman. A woman who has realized her feminine nature realizes that asking is completely natural for a woman because a woman is designed in such a way that she is ready to accept help, support, a man, and so on. But for this, you should initially be able to accept and love yourself.
A woman who has come to know the essence of herself is also well acquainted with male nature; she knows that one of the basic needs of a man is to be needed and that it is through a woman’s requests to herself that a man realizes his need. This is knowing; this is a conscious adult interaction with the world, based on knowledge.
A man becomes a man thanks to a woman. Giving her the benefit = the results of his work in society, giving her time, attention, material things, the joy of interaction. I will immediately note that moderation is good in everything—beggars are not very attractive.
How to ask a man for help correctly. And yes, you should also know how to ask. How? This is exactly what the third rule is about—ASK.
Any appeal to a man should be able to be packed into 10 simple sentences, which essentially outline your request. No half-hints, intrigues, half-tones, demands, reproaches, the role of the “victim,” and the like. The request must be unambiguous.
You should talk openly and confidentially about what you need and want, without hints. Say everything specifically—what, when, and where. You know what a man values in a woman most of all – sincerity.
Therefore, your words really should be filled with the energy of sincerity. The tone of the request should be calm, soft, and warm.
The request must be reasonable and really significant for you, and not just a game of your ego and insatiable “I want.” It must be within the man’s capabilities.
There is no point in asking and then doing it yourself in order to manipulate a man by instilling a sense of guilt; this will only cause aggression from the man towards you.
Remember, it is requests that allow us women to become weak and men to become strong. You know, it is like a game; in order to play hide and seek, someone has to drive; no one wants to, but in the end you have to agree; otherwise, the game will not take place. So, if we do not agree to be weak voluntarily, then there will be no game.
This is how life works: the source of the river is higher, and the mouth is lower.
If the source and the mouth are at the same height, you will get a swamp. The river will not be able to flow; the relationship will not be able to develop.
It is worth not just asking but believing that your man will cope with your request better than anyone else. You can ask in the format, “how great it would be if …”
Remember that moment, If you want someone to fulfill your need, you should speak in the language of the needs of the one fulfilling your needs; that is, your needs can be included in the man’s need. Only you should do it carefully, so that it does not look like blackmail, extortion, or bargaining.
It is also worth remembering that a man needs time to think about your request, to compare his time, possibilities, etc.
Be prepared for refusal; be able to accept this situation with dignity. A man is not always ready or really able to fulfill a request. At the same time, do not try to implement this request yourself. And even if a man did not refuse but is in no hurry to fulfill the request, you can very gently remind him of it. Gently means without reproaches and coercion.
The next crucial factor is a man’s ability to express gratitude for fulfilling your request. Thank him sincerely; thank him with your joy. The light of your joyful eyes greatly inspires a man to fulfill your subsequent requests.
And it is also very cool to PRAISE a man for the result of fulfilling a request. Do not be afraid to say words of gratitude or words of admiration for your man for his attention given to you. In conclusion, to understand, to know, to ask, to thank, and to praise are the components of your correct request, which a man will correctly perceive and fulfill.
