“I’m sorry, let’s stay friends!” This sentence at the end of a relationship is a real classic, but it is rarely meant seriously. Because, let’s be honest, is that even possible? A friendship with your ex? We’ll tell you what’s important.
It’s over and done with! A breakup is rarely easy and pain-free. Not only has love failed, but a breakup often also means the end of a close friendship. According to a study, one in three Germans is still friends with their ex-partner. So does “over” not mean “over” after all?
The worst thing about a breakup is often that you lose someone who was also a good friend, if not your best friend. Someone you feel a deep connection to, someone you confided in, who understood you and was always there for you. A friendship with your ex protects us from this loss, but this friendship is not easy because a certain emotional bond still exists.
Friendship with the ex: It depends on how the relationship ended
Of course, there are relationships that we are glad are over and that are not worth saving. No one whose relationship ended in a bitter divorce or who was betrayed has any real interest in remaining friends with that person. Friendship with an ex is also difficult if one of the two does not want the breakup and is still suffering from the pain of the breakup. However, if both partners have parted ways amicably and on good terms, friendship is considered. But here too, the former couple should go their separate ways first to come to terms with their new life situation.
Friendship with your ex: A break is important
Even ex-partners who parted ways peacefully should not go straight from a relationship to a friendship. Instead, you should take time alone to come to terms with the new situation, find yourself, and process the breakup. A friendship is only possible once everything has been completely overcome. If one of the two is not completely over the breakup and still has feelings for the other, a friendship will end in even more grief and pain. If one of you is hoping that love still has a chance, the interaction is rarely informal and relaxed.
Friendship with your ex: This is important
- All problems that arise in the relationship must be resolved; allowing old arguments to resurface or falling back into old patterns is poison for the friendship.
Basics should be discussed: what is appropriate for a friendship, what can you tell the other person, and what expectations do you have? - Respectful interaction: It is important to accept the other person as they are, without judging them. If the other person deals with the separation in a completely different way than expected, you should not be upset about it.
- No sex! A friendship with your ex can only work if the relationship is purely platonic.
Friendship with your ex: possible despite new partners?
Is it still possible to be friends with your ex if he has a new girlfriend? This is only possible if both partners are at peace with the breakup; otherwise, jealousy and feelings of disappointment will arise. If your ex plays a crucial role as a confidant in your life, this can put a strain on a new relationship. You should therefore definitely talk to your ex about whether he wants to continue the friendship despite the new girlfriend and how much time he can and wants to invest. It is not uncommon for a new partner to be jealous of his or her ex.
It is not possible to say in general whether a friendship with an ex is possible or not. Sometimes too much has gone wrong to maintain contact; sometimes the former partners cannot live without each other despite the separation. The fact is, however, that a friendship with an ex is only possible when the relationship and the separation have been completely dealt with.
