5 Fatal Mistakes That Lead to Breakups
If we were to compile some kind of conditional rating of the main reasons for going to a psychologist, then, of course, the goal of understanding relationships with the opposite s+x remains the absolute favorite from year to year. Quarrels, problems, breakups, betrayals—no one is immune from the rough spots and storms of coexistence. Every woman has her own story, and often more than one. However, it’s interesting to note that when determining cause-and-effect relationships, many incorrect steps bear striking similarities.
You have encountered an exceptional individual; consequently, your hormones are ecstatic, your emotions are raging, and you are experiencing butterflies in your stomach. Subsequently, the initial obstacle emerges, serving as a constant reminder of your own shortcomings.
Mistake number one: you adopt
In my student years, I had one friend who constantly surprised me with how boldly and radically she changed her image, hobbies, and admirers. In our small female group, the unpredictability of my friend’s image and interests was a separate topic of conversation and, to be honest, a little bit of an object of envy. Until one day it turned out that our Masha, it turns out, likes to bake pies, cross-stitch, and does not like extreme entertainment and short hair She was searching for a potential husband, someone who could be the master of the home. My husband, the master of the hearth. She chose the following strategy: she tried to study in detail all his preferences and interests—and portray exactly what should attract him—showing him that Masha is that ideal woman.
From the very first meetings, she forgot about the main thing—to be yourself and choose the right person for yourself. Relationships are a union of people united by common goals and values. Therefore, even a slight betrayal at the beginning deprives us of the opportunity to get to know each other and determine whether continuing together is worthwhile. And few can pretend endlessly.
Truck of experience
How can you handle this if only the lazy haven’t written about it? The golden rule of success: do not enter into a relationship if you have not completed the previous one. Completion implies a process that occurs inside. This means that the grievances, claims, and other experiences that were associated with another person are left behind. The relationship with a new person is based on mutual interest and sympathy and is in no way an attempt to drown out the pain, distract yourself, or spite the ex.
This “inner unfinished business” causes you to communicate with one person, but in reality, you play out the relationship in your thoughts and experiences with someone else (maybe just one). Consider the scenario in which a man you admire embarks on a date with a couple of his ex-girlfriends. It is not an enjoyable experience, is it? But this is exactly what happens when the past, for some reason, has not remained where it should be and disturbs the present time and again. The symptoms are simple, and for a man, they are direct signals to run away:
You compare your current boyfriend with your past one, starting from the first meeting and in the smallest details, like how he holds his cutlery; in a more aggravated version, you also voice your observations.
You are full of grievances and claims against your ex-partner and are not ashamed to tell your current partner. You’re full of sadness about how perfect your previous partner was, and you are constantly trying to “pull up” the new man to the level of your lost love.
Another mistake is the formatting. g
Unlike Masha, some young ladies stand out for their heightened desire to portray Pygmalion. They, from the first meetings, begin to actively improve a man who has not yet had time to get his bearings and somehow prove himself. What do we do at first?
We explore each other, study, and sniff each other literally and figuratively to understand whether we want to continue communication at all. This is a normal and natural process, but not for everyone. Now the topic of all-regenerating femininity and the concept of growing millionaires from alcoholics are actively discussed; they say that everything depends on the woman, and any woman can make anyone from anyone. This is a tautological statement.
And you can’t argue with the fact that a woman can both inspire and drain her man. However, some people take the idea of ”making something out of what was” very literally and then are very surprised that the results are not quite as expected. And then the lady sits in sadness and melancholy, cursing the Vedic culture and female psychologists—otherwise Madame Pygmalion—remembering how her Galatea quickly moved away towards the horizon.
But she did everything for him: she gave him the right books, bought him clothes, tried to take him training taught him manners. In theory, individuals with low self-esteem or those in similar relationships can only tolerate such humiliation. That is why in relationships it turns out that instead of a strong man, there is an infantile person next to you whois incapable of making decisions. What adult and mature person, especially a man, would appreciate it when someone immediately dictates rules to him before he has even decided whether he likes you or not?
The same category can include a passion for total control, attacks with calls/text messages, finding out every step, andthe content of thoughts and life circumstances every two minutes.
Excessive care is also, to some extent, an attempt to control the situation and set boundaries for a person. You shouldn’t immediately try to “become a mommy” to your new lover and run to him at work with homemade cabbage rolls after the second date. It’s better, having noticed such manifestations in yourself, to run to a licensed psychologist and understand why you need to dominate in a relationship and what prevents you from being just a joyful woman. Not a mommy, a PPygmalion,or some other beast incompatible with normal relationships.
Keep quiet about your needs and ignore him.
Sincerity and openness are generally important things throughout the entire journey of a couple. Using them as a foundation from the start is helpful. And this does not mean that from the very first meeting you need to tell in great detail about all your problems, worries,and difficult turns of fate.
By the way, it’s a mistake to suddenly burden the unfortunate man with all your troubles, from a leaky faucet to childhood traumas. In this way, you will send a “save me” signal and create grounds for doubts about what exactly you need ma in loved one or a universal solution to problems that will not receive anything in return. Heartbreaking stories about how your wedding will be decorated, what phone you want from him for Valentine’s Day, how serious your intentions are, and how you’ve planned your registry office trip are similar. Most likely, after such statements, the relationship will end before it even begins.
However, talking about your feelings is very useful, as is being attentive to what the other person thinks and feels. If your new acquaintance parked in a puddle, did not help you out of the car, or is picking his teeth with a fork—and you do not like it—it—it better to calmly and without complaints say so. It is not difficult for mature agree, find a compromise, and take care of the comfort of being together. Dialogue, as we know, promotes mutual understanding.
On this topic, I recalled one family consultation, where after five years of marriage one of the spouses found out that his wife was irritated by his habit of placing the shower gel on the narrow edge of the bathtub. And it falls from there—often a crash and usually exactly when the child has fallen asleep after long rocking.
This unfortunate bubble almost brought them to divorce because the wife simply silently accumulated a reserve of anger with each fall, until the situation became critical and added to the list of other omissions. Omissions became complaints, and off we go. In this funny story, everything ended well because our heroes wanted to be together and understood the main thing: silence is not always golden; sometimes you can simply talk about your needs, and your partner will gladly meet you halfway.
