Keeping things casual, playing games and fooling around is easy enough for most men. What’s not so easy is admitting to themselves and other people around them that they actually developed real feelings towards somebody. They are petrified. Whether they would admit it or not, the mere thought of showing their feelings and risk getting hurt is scary.
So they start fighting. They fight themselves first because for most of them, being in love means being vulnerable. They fight the other person sending hot and cold signals until they feel safe. They will take their time and assess the situation before making their move.
If you have that feeling that he is into you but something is holding him back, check out these 15 signs he is fighting his feelings for you. They will certainly clear things up a bit:
1. He is super attentive for a while then he pulls away
This is usually one of the most common red flags you are dealing with a player, but in this case, his pulling away won’t be so dramatic, long-term or destructive. He will send random texts but not every day. He will probably befriend you and keep things casual for a while until he gets to know you better and until he gets enough courage to deal with his feelings. Only then he will be able to share them with you.
However be careful: this phase shouldn’t last for too long. If you feel like he has had enough time to process his emotions and he is just staling, it’s not a sign he is fighting his feelings for you. It’s a sign that he is stringing you along.
2. He pays attention when you speak and memorizes a lot about you
He soaks up your every word. He remembers something you said randomly a few weeks ago that you yourself can’t recall. He will surprise you with some detail you randomly mentioned.
Also, he probably made in-depth research of your social media accounts and even if he doesn’t hit the like button that often, he will surely keep track of your whereabouts.
3. His questions are way too personal
He wants to know everything there is to know about you. Besides random questions used in small talk he will ask some that are deeper. He will want to know where you stand about certain things, your likes and dislikes, your dating history and so on. It might not always be pleasant, but he wants to minimize the risk of getting hurt.
4. He is trying hard to impress you
He wants you to see only the best of him so he will make an effort to do just that. So, don’t fail to notice if he changes his appearance a bit or starts using new perfume. He will also talk a lot about his strong points, his work success and all the things he is proud of—not because he wants to brag but because he consciously or unconsciously wants to impress you.
5. He has this (inexplicable) need to justify himself to you
It won’t be anything big but he wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression about certain things. For example, every time he talks about some other woman in his life, he will stress the fact that she is his friend, so you won’t think that he is unavailable.
6. His eyes will be all over you
You will probably feel him staring but as soon as you turn around, he will look away. He doesn’t want to make it to obvious. Your friends will also notice his stars and inform you about them. But when you talk to him, he will definitely use prolonged eye contact and you will have his undivided attention.
7. His body language will do the talking for him
He will try to play it cool, but his body and mind will be out of sync. Besides the aforementioned eye contact, the most obvious body signs that you are making him nervous in a good way will be his sweaty and shaky palms. He will also stand way close to you when you speak.
While you are in the middle of a conversation, he will subconsciously lean towards you. He also won’t miss the chance to put his hands on your shoulder or subtly touch your arm. If he already gained some courage, he will kiss you on the cheek or hug you for a bit longer than necessary every time you meet.
8. He enjoys helping you with things
He usually offers to help with something. It can range from helping you ease your mind by listening and giving advice to a matter of manual labor such as moving furniture around and putting a new layer of paint on the walls. He doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty or sitting for hours and listening to what you have to say. He is letting you know that you can count on him to do whatever.
9. He admires you (though he would never say it aloud)
When you speak, everything around him stops and he looks at you like you are the most fascinating creature alive. He realizes that you have been through a lot and he admires that you have succeeded in spite of everything and everyone. Every small victory of yours is pretty big in his eyes even though he wouldn’t say it straight up. He will listen and give some random subtle compliments and that will be an obvious sign of his affection towards you.
10. He gets in protective mode around you
While he may make jokes at your expense, they are never mean or rude. But every time someone else does the same, he doesn’t approve and always says something to defend you. He also makes sure you got home well and that you are safe. Whether he wants to admit it to himself or not, he cares and these little telltale signs just confirm that he is fighting his feelings.
11. He shows signs of low-key jealousy
He is not really happy when you are in the company of other men. Mostly because he hasn’t acted upon his feelings and he is scared that somebody else will beat him to the punch. Due to that, you will see how his face gets pale and his behavior becomes awkward. He is clearly uncomfortable and jealous every time other men are near you. Not to mention he will probably ask some questions after to see where you stand with those other men.
12. He is thoughtful
Thoughtfulness is one of the most common signs he is fighting his feelings for you. As I already mentioned, he will want you to see him in his best light, so he will probably act like a perfect gentleman. He will open doors for you. He will let you order first. He won’t shower you with expensive gifts, but everything he gifts you will come from the heart. It doesn’t have to be anything major, but if he comes by with your favorite chocolate, that will be more than enough.
13. He shares personal details with you
Most men don’t open up so easily, but if he started confiding in you, he looks at you as someone whom he can trust, and that’s always a good sign. You can have small talk with anybody, but all the personal stuff you share with people that mean more. He will want your opinion on things that are happening currently or his plans for the future. All in all, he will have this inexplicable need to inform you about everything, every chance he gets.
14. He has his cold periods
This is one of the most painful signs he is fighting his feelings for you. He might not even be aware that he is fighting them. And while he is having a hard time processing things and rationalizing between what he thinks and what he feels, you will probably have it harder because you will feel like he is playing you. Rely on your intuition. Is it something he does unintentionally or is he playing mind games?
15. You will share undeniable chemistry and sexual tension
Every time you enter the room, he won’t be able to keep a smile from his face. He will check you out top to bottom and always find a way to give some indirect complement of how amazing or hot you look. He might even try to put all the accumulated s*xual tension into some dirty words and sexual remarks. All in all, the magnetism connecting you is something that is hard to describe but easy and inevitable to feel.
The key thing to have in mind when trying to understand why he is fighting his feelings towards you is that men don’t experience feelings the same way women do. That doesn’t mean that they are incapable of feeling, it just means they are wired differently.
They will first rely on their minds and rationalize things, leaving emotions aside while women, on the other hand, tend to follow their heart. That’s why more often than not men and women fail to understand one another.
If he is fighting his feelings, give him enough time to process them. He is fighting a battle with himself and he has to do it alone. He has to overcome his hidden fears of being rejected and getting hurt. If he does that, he will very much earn a place in your life. If not, then you will have to leave him because you can’t fight his battles for him.