In long-term relationships, most people fall silent sooner or later. You just sit in front of the TV, talk about everyday problems and otherwise remain silent, only laugh outside of the relationship and no longer share anything in common, let alone intimacy. You feel increasingly indifferent and alienated from your partner and the relationship. Most people now doubt their love. But does speechlessness and silence in the relationship always mean separation? How can it be overcome?
Silence in a relationship can indicate that everyone is living their own life and the partnership has degenerated into a relationship of convenience. You live side by side and believe that you no longer have anything to say to each other. The inability to speak can also mean that you have inner desires and needs, but that they are not being fulfilled and you are dissatisfied. But separation is scary, so you have simply resigned yourself to it. It can also be that goals outside of the partnership in other areas of life, such as your job or a particular hobby, are temporarily more important to you.
Silence in the relationship alienates
Regardless of the reason behind the silence in the relationship, it cannot be a permanent state. So if you don’t want to break up but also don’t want to be surprised and unhappy at some point when your partner has an affair, you have to bring the problem to the table mercilessly. If you don’t want to turn away from the relationship to end in a breakup, you have to actively turn to it again.
Often the woman suffers more from the silence because she usually has a stronger need for communication and closeness. A conversation is unavoidable. But don’t pressure him to express his needs and wishes and to communicate. That would probably put him under pressure.
Often the woman suffers more from the silence because she usually has a stronger need for communication and closeness. A conversation is unavoidable. But don’t pressure him to express his needs and wishes and to communicate. That would probably put him under pressure.
Ways out of the silence
Instead, ask him for some time to talk. Tell him what you like about the relationship, what you want, and what you are missing—all without accusations! Ask him what he wants and what he is missing. Try to understand him—without judgment. Emphasize that you want to understand him, but also that you want certain things to be different because you want to be happy with him.
You must learn to share positive things again so that you can associate your partner with positive feelings again and be happy for him or her.
- To do this, break out of your everyday relationship routine: go on a short vacation or a longer trip, preferably something relaxing that doesn’t have much potential for conflict. Everyday life shouldn’t have a place in it, because the point is to be able to develop togetherness.
- But you also need to incorporate rituals and shared experiences into your everyday life: arrange to meet up once a week to spend time together. Activities like watching TV, reading the newspaper, filing your taxes, or looking after the children are taboo.
- Instead, go dancing, swimming, to the cinema, or out to eat; take a short trip to the surrounding area; go on a bike ride or a canoe trip. Look for a shared activity that you both enjoy and that you can share regularly as a hobby.
- Communicate more often, either in conversations—you should make time for this, ideally by arranging a regular appointment—or you can write each other letters once a week in which you tell each other about your experiences during the week or your feelings.
- It is also possible to organize a pampering evening once a month or every two months. One partner or the other can alternate between suggesting something that they think the other will like. Couples therapy can also help you, as you will receive professional guidance and helpful tips.
If after many years of being in a relationship you start to notice signs of fatigue, such as silence, this does not always have to be a reason to break up, even if it may sometimes feel that way. It could also be that your partner simply doesn’t like to talk and prefers to show his affection in other ways.
