IF SOMETHING IS A STRETCH, IT’S NOT YOURS.
This is primarily a woman’s issue: to talk yourself into an unsuitable man and then try to glue together the unstickable. It’s like taking a piece of wood, wrapping it in dough, and then saying, “I’m trying to make pies, but the filling is somehow not tasty. I’ve already made the dough thicker and thinner. I’ve molded it into a square and an oval. I’ve laid it out in a row and a star. How can I make the filling tasty? What am I doing wrong? Or is it just me who’s wrong?”
Relationships are an outlet, a world for two.
Not like that! For this man. Because he is not like that for you. Well, he is not yours, and that’s it; that happens. And even if you twist yourself into a figure eight and take the blessing of a thousand elders, he will still not be yours. And everything is fine with you. It is only not fine where the place is not yours.
If it’s just a little bit lacking, it may be lacking all your life. Do you want it to be lacking? If yes, fine, it’s your choice; you can do that too; why not? Then don’t try to do anything to make it enough. Just accept and live with “not enough.”. You chose it yourself.
We women are masters at deceiving ourselves. First, we invent a man, then we transfer all the warm feelings and ideas about how things should be to him, and then we are surprised that he is not like that at all. And the fact that he is not like that was clear from the very beginning.
We just decided to deceive ourselves and believe that he is not like that now, but that he will change over time, we will give him a chance, and everything will be fine.
And then we’ll give him a second, a third, and in general, we’ll keep giving him chances until he changes because we believed that he would become different, that he just needed a little more time.
I think the solution is this: There are things that we can easily compromise on, or at least we can.
But some things go against the grain, where no compromise is possible, no matter how much one would like it. Theoretically, it is possible, but for us, it is such a fundamental issue (of honor, conscience, or value) that in practice it is impossible.
Even though I was able to deceive myself, you can’t deceive life.
The same with feelings. If they are not there at the beginning, how will they come later? It seems that there are more of them (in some cases), but they are artificially forced and directed towards an image, not a real person.
Somewhere, perhaps, there is a person who fits the image, but it is definitely not this man.
A woman always knows and feels whether it is her man or not, but she can convince and fool herself so much that she will believe it herself.
Time goes by, and nothing changes. Therefore, if there is a disagreement on fundamental issues, it seems to me that there is no point in forcing the relationship; it is better to end it at the moment when it becomes noticeably obvious.
Relationships are an outlet, a world for two, a place of restoration where you switch off from problems, a tuning fork that tunes you to all the best that exists. If this is not so, especially at the very beginning (!), why have such a relationship?!
Yes, sometimes there is something to save—this is when people have eaten a pound of salt together and love is alive, and there are many wonderful moments, but if not, there is no relationship, and there is nothing to save.
The horse is dead; get off. And if from the very beginning the relationship is an additional source of problems, worries, and frustrations, run away from it, preferably to the other side of the universe, so that you won’t dare to come back.
Happiness in a woman’s life does not ask “what to do” or “what’s wrong with me.” If it has come, it settles in a blissful smile, envelops you with tenderness, and takes you to its world. And you know only one eye, in which your happiness is reflected.
