Relationship Advice: Make Someone Fall in Love with You in 4 Minutes: 36 Questions That Lead to Love
Relationship Advice: Make Someone Fall in Love with You in 4 Minutes: 36 Questions That Lead to Love
Psychologist Arthur Aron conducted a stunning experiment 20 years ago. He invited a man and a woman he had never met before to a laboratory and asked them to answer 36 questions. The people had to answer sincerely, and after discussing the questions, the couple looked into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes. Six months later, these people were ready to get married . The secret of the experiment is that shared openness brings people incredibly close. Later, these questions began to be widely used in relationship therapy. Nothing refreshes feelings like a confidential conversation. Here is a list of these questions:
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you invite to dinner?
- Would you like to be famous? In what field?
- Before you make a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
- What is your idea of a perfect day?
- When was the last time you sang to yourself? Or to someone else?
If you could live to be 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
- Do you have a secret feeling about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner have in common.
- What in your life do you feel most grateful for?
- If you could change one thing about your upbringing, what would it be?
- In 4 minutes, tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained a quality or ability, what would it be?
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something you’ve been dreaming of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest achievement of your life?
- What do you value most in friends?
- What is your most cherished memory?
- What is your worst memory?
- If you knew that within one year you would suddenly die, would you change anything about your current life? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What role do love and affection play in your life?
- Take turns listing positive characteristics about your partner. Five points in total.
- How close are your family members? Do you think your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- What do you think about your relationship with your mother?
- Make three true sentences that begin with “we.” For example, “We both in this room feel…”
- Continue this sentence: “I would like to share with someone…”.
- If you were going to be a close friend to your partner, please tell us what you think he or she should know about you.
- Tell your partner what you like about them; be brutally honest, say things you might not say to someone you barely know.
- Share with your partner an unpleasant moment from your life.
- When and why did you last cry?
- Tell your partner what you already like about them.
- What is too serious and not appropriate to joke about?
- If you were to die this evening without being able to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not telling someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house with all your belongings is on fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to run into the house one more time and save one thing. What could it be? Why?
- Which of your family members’ deaths would affect you the most? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner for advice on how he or she would handle it. Then ask your partner to share his or her thoughts on your choice of problem.
This list was brought back from twenty years of oblivion by The New York Times columnist Mandy Len Catron, who recently decided to repeat Dr. Aron’s experiment on herself and her friend. The experiment was a success and its participants actually fell in love with each other.
