Love Advice: Cheating doesn’t happen in happy relationships!
Cheating doesn’t happen in happy relationships! I’m a cheater. And of course, if you cheated once, then you always cheat, right? I can be immediately condemned, branded. After all, people tend to do this, even on an instinctive level, at least simply to distinguish themselves from others. There are us, and there are others.
Some cheat and those who don’t.
Even politicians use this human quality, forcing people to unite against those who are different from them – by skin color, orientation, etc.
And of course, it’s much easier to find a moral reason to distance yourself from cheaters. But sometimes that bias can lead you to places you never intended to go.
Is it really about cheating? You have to dig deeper. It’s about social stereotypes. If a woman doesn’t get married by a certain age, she’s an old maid or a whore. If a man doesn’t get married in time, he’s a mama’s boy. We think there’s something wrong with them because they’re single.
We create norms that force some people to rush into marriage to fulfill the “social program.” At the same time, some people simply cannot be with one person for life by their nature and psychology. Or they just haven’t found their person yet. So what should they do?
Looking at social stereotypes, and photos of sweet couples on Facebook, a person can decide to agree to the relationship that is, almost with the first person they meet, simply because “it’s time”, “it’s necessary”, etc. And then what? And then he becomes unhappy in a marriage with an unloved person, making him unhappy too.
Cheating doesn’t happen in happy relationships. I’m sure of that. I don’t believe that cheating isn’t about accidentally liking another person, or sex, or anything like that. Cheating is a result of unhappiness in a relationship.
The cheater wants to leave, but can’t say it out loud. Or he wants a better relationship but doesn’t know how to ask for what he lacks. He can’t solve the problems in himself and his relationship.
To solve internal problems, he resorts to external factors: alcohol, shopping, and other people. Just as we consume material things, we consume other people. But this is also temporary.
Punishment:
The first instinct is shame. To shame a person for his bad behavior. But this is as useless as dunking a puppy’s muzzle in a puddle that he made in the wrong place instead of training him or sending him to a kennel (all exaggerated, do not take it literally).
When cheating happens, if you don’t want to break up, you need to stop blaming and look at the root of the problem. Yes, there will be disappointment, mistrust, and pain.
But there is no need to blame and shame. My man helped me in this way. We discussed our problems and now I am happy and do not cheat in a happy relationship.
