6 Distinct Ways A Narcissistic Man Treats His Wife, According To Psychology
A narcissist is a major threat to a person’s well-being. Narcissists master the art of deceitful behavior. At first, they mask their lack of empathy and overblown arrogance, which lures people into their orbit. Unfortunately, once they capture someone, narcissists remove their mask, exposing a cruel and uncaring person underneath.
When a narcissistic man is around other women, he acts charming and confident, but when he’s with his wife behind closed doors, he reveals who he is. The distinct ways a narcissistic man treats his wife are cruel and calculating. He lashed out with rage and cut her down if she ever pushed back. A narcissistic husband does whatever he can to break his wife’s spirit, so she feels too trapped to leave.
1. He withholds affection
A narcissistic man doesn’t see affection as an expression of love; rather, he sees it as a tool to manipulate his wife’s behavior. If she does exactly what he wants, he’ll offer his affection as a reward. But whenever his wife stands up for herself or calls him out, he punishes her by withdrawing his affection.
He engages her in classic narcissistic behavior, pulling her in and then pushing her away if she doesn’t comply. He keeps love-bombing his wife, showering her with affection and over-the-top romantic gestures, only to turn on her, without any warning.
The same man who brought her five dozen roses will explode with rage, hurling insults, and diminishing her for having an emotional reaction. He wields affection as a weapon, for the sole purpose of disarming her before devaluing her completely.
A narcissistic man will keep his wife stuck in a vicious cycle, until she’s too defeated to stick up for herself.
2. He plays mind games
One of the distinct ways a narcissistic man treats his wife is by playing mind games to emotionally manipulate her. He uses every tactic in the narcissistic playbook to keep her on edge: he twists her words, then gaslights her. He wants to make her feel so destabilized, she stops trusting her intuition and starts questioning her reality.
Being married to a narcissistic man often means living in chaos. Wives with narcissistic husbands never know what version of him they’re getting. He creates intentional confusion, which leaves her wondering who she can really trust.
According to divorce lawyer Karen Covy, narcissists are “master manipulators [who] run mind games on their romantic partners” that are “meant to be subtle and sneaky.”
A narcissistic man’s entire objective is to make his wife second-guess every move she makes. He manipulates her, making her feel like a puppet under his control, but she is too close to understand what’s happening.
“Part of each game is seeing how pervasively they can invade each corner of your life,” Covy explained. “They make you look like the crazy one.”
3. He projects his emotions onto her
A narcissistic man is too emotionally undeveloped to understand himself. He can’t actually process his own negative internal experiences, so he projects whatever he’s thinking or feeling onto his wife. If he’s having an affair, he’ll accuse her of cheating on him. If he’s in a jealous rage, he’ll scream about how jealous he is.
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Darlene Lancer, projection is a way for emotionally abusive people to protect their overly fragile egos. It’s a defense mechanism that “distorts or ignores reality” and one of the distinct ways a narcissistic man treats his wife.
A narcissistic man avoids emotional burdens by projecting his negative feelings onto his wife. He never looks inward or interrogates his impulses. He lashes out because he has no capacity for self-reflection. Along with projecting his feelings, a narcissistic husband will also engage in externalization or blame-shifting.
He lacks the emotional maturity and insight to accept responsibility for his own actions, so he blames her for every problem he has. By casting blame everywhere but where it belongs, a narcissistic man avoids being accountable to himself. It lets him play the role of perpetual victim, where nothing is ever his fault, not even things he did himself.
4. He isolates her
A narcissistic man uses emotionally cruel tactics to keep his wife under his control. He builds her up, only to break her down. While he chips away at her sense of self, he also systematically isolates her, until she becomes completely reliant on him.
His feelings of jealousy and rage are perpetually present. A narcissistic man can’t stand the idea of his wife having an independent life. If she ever tries to meet up with friends for a drink, he becomes so explosive that she eventually decides it’s safer to bend to his will. If her family members express doubt about their relationship, he forces her to cut ties.
As experts from MindWell Psychology noted, narcissists isolate their romantic partners from anyone who threatens their sense of control. Their main goal is to make you feel so alone, that you think you’re completely dependent on them.
“You need support networks that are outside of the narcissist’s sphere of influence so they won’t have the power to interfere or manipulate these important relationships,” they explained. “If your circumstances allow it, be willing to walk away. Love doesn’t mean you have to stay in an unhealthy relationship.”
5. He competes with her
A narcissistic man will captivate his future wife before they tie the knot. He makes promises he never intends to keep, creating a false sense of security that hides his underlying motives. A narcissistic man does whatever it takes to lure women in and keep them under his control. His behavior follows a distinct pattern, rooted in an emotional vacancy.
As psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula revealed on the American Psychological Association’s podcast, “There are sort of four pillars to narcissism. Lack of empathy, grandiosity, a chronic sense of entitlement, and a chronic need to seek out admiration… and validation from other people.”
Those four core components get “coupled with this sort of inability to regulate self-esteem — that sense of always peddling faster to get the regard of other people,” she continued.
A narcissistic man is in it for himself, only, at all times. He competes with everyone around him, including his wife. It doesn’t matter that he took vows and promised to love her and cherish her. A narcissistic man doesn’t have the capacity to do either of those things.
He’s fueled by jealousy and a scarcity mindset, so he sees her accomplishments as a direct threat to his potential success. He’s quick to diminish her wins and invalidate her, which breaks her down even more.
Clinical narcissism is likened to an attachment disorder, which makes it impossible for someone to have deep, genuine connections to other people, even their wives.
6. He gives her the silent treatment
Of all the distinct ways a narcissistic man treats his wife, giving her the silent treatment is one of his crueler tactics. In a healthy relationship, partners communicate with each other, even when they fight. However, narcissists, by definition, have an unhealthy attachment style, leading them to engage in emotionally abusive behaviors such as shutting down and ignoring their wives.
Psychology expert Margaret Paul explained that the silent treatment is “a form of punishment, a way of attempting to control your partner or others into doing what you want them to do.” The silent treatment entails closing your heart and refusing to interact or acknowledge their presence.
The silent treatment is a calculated move, intended to inflict pain. When a narcissistic husband uses the silent treatment, he distances himself from his wife, which only increases her sense of isolation.
