4 Signs Your New Partner Is On The Rebound And It’s Going To End Badly (For You)
Your first date was amazing until you find out they just got out of a long-term relationship — and you’re their first date after their breakup. If this information raises concerns for you, you’re headed in the right direction.
While data shows that rebound relationships can be great for the person who is on the rebound, . While it can feel thrilling, because not only is it a crush (which is always fun), your new crush may be self-medicating … and you’re more of a “treatment” than a romantic partner.
The issue lies in the fact that reality frequently fails to meet expectations.
1. They just broke up with someone else
Although it may seem obvious, it’s not always clear when you’re deeply in love with someone new.
Falling in love takes time, but so does falling out of love. If they’re moving on too quickly and trying to speed up this process, they’re only fooling themselves — and taking you along for a bumpy ride to Heartbreak City.
What to do: Take a step back. When, exactly, did they break up? Get the details.
If it was recent — or if they’ve been hooking up or hanging out recently — end it.
You can consider keeping in touch with this person and maintaining a friendship or casual texting/DM relationship. And tell them why you’re setting the boundary. You aren’t playing a game here; you’re trying to make a healthy choice and set a healthy boundary.
“Setting boundaries feels uncomfortable and intimidating,” so psychologist Guy Winch recommended, “Setting boundaries is a skill set that gets easier with practice but is never pleasant. Get support from someone who understands the context and can be there to debrief with you afterward to offer assistance and help keep you accountable during the maintenance phase.”
When they seem like they’ve had enough time to recover, suggest going out again and giving it another try.
2. You’re dating a serial monogamist
If the person you’re out with seems to have an extreme number of “serious” relationships, you may just have a serial monogamist on your hands. That means you may not be as special as they’re telling you; you may just be “next.”
What to do: If your new relationship is with a high-quality serial monogamist type, I say roll the dice and hope you’re the lucky one who gets the ring and the commitment. Let them wait until you know each other better, though.
3. They demand exclusivity right away
If your new relationship goes from one or two dates straight to the “Are we exclusive?” talk, things are moving way too fast. This is too fast even if it isn’t a rebound relationship!
What to do: This can be a serious red flag, so watch out for desperation or a controlling personality.
4. They love/hate their ex
If they still say they love their ex, then you have a problem. But watch for hate too — extreme emotions toward an ex can signal that your new crush is still heavily emotionally invested in a past relationship.
Intense anger or bitterness, or a romantic mood, are indicators that they haven’t emotionally moved on.
What to do: Expect to see shades of gray with all these emotions, but look for the predominant sentiment of “I don’t care what they’re doing anymore” — that’s a good sign. What you want to see is indifference.
Don’t be fooled — if you walk in and see the ex’s picture still prominently displayed on the bedside nightstand, they’re still in the picture. If you find the ex’s clothes, toothbrushes, and toiletries in his apartment, just get out while you can. It’s either a super-fresh breakup or they are still together.
