I have tried to change you but the harsh truth is that I always make bad decisions when I am in love. I don’t blame you for your insults and for ending our relationship. I know people like you will never go to paradise.

So, what can I do about the fact that you were born a mistake?

It is all in your genes and whatever you do, you can’t change. A leopard can’t change its spots. And on the other hand, I have always been an emotional fool who chose to spend my life with jerks. Actually, I figured out that I attract only negative people. I don’t know why. I am a positive person, though. But that’s the way that cookie crumbles.

My life with you was everything I didn’t want. Cheating, insults, mental abuse—all that would happen in one day. And somehow I survived. I don’t know where my strength was rising from. But I was standing on my feet, with my head up, like only good things are happening to me.

 

But that wasn’t the truth. Storms were all I could see on my life’s horizon. And even though I tried so much to let you go, I couldn’t. Somehow you would always find a way to slip under my skin. I loved you and hated you at the same time. I spent so many nights alone waiting for you and when you would finally come back home, I could feel her smell on your body.

And all my hopes crashed like a glass full of water. Everything that I had dreamed about faded away in the blink of an eye. And all that happened because of YOU!

You are the one guilty for everything! YOU, YOU, YOU!

For every tear from my eye. For every deep breath I was taking to calm down when I was about to fall apart. For every sleepless night thinking if you are alive and when you are coming back. I acted like an addict—like you are my ‘dope’ I need to take to feel alive again.

And when you weren’t there, I was so confused and lost. I didn’t know how to function without you. But you changed my mind. Actually, your behavior did. From the moment I saw you with her, I decided to erase you from my life. I had a reason good enough for that—our child. I didn’t want him to have a toxic dad who will influence him.

I didn’t want my son to be like you. I didn’t want him to think that hitting women is a good thing. I wanted to teach him more. I wanted to teach him that love is a beautiful thing. I wanted to show him more than you could ever give him. And I did. Totally alone. And I am extremely proud of that.

And you?

I don’t want to think of you anymore. You showed me so many times that you are not a human being. You are a MISTAKE. And I don’t need mistakes in my life. So, have a good life without me and your son. I just hope you will realize what you lost. But when that happens it will be late.

 

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