When this is all over will you come back to me? When you wake up and realize what you’ve lost, will you run back to me?
When you stop choosing her over me, will you come back? Will you truly feel sorry for the things that you’ve done to hurt me?
If it were me and not you, would you feel the same way that I do? Would you feel that I broke my vows just as badly as you did?
You promised to never leave me, to never disappear; you promised to never hurt me again. You promised to always put me first and to never choose anyone else over me.
I guess promises were meant to be broken and vows were too, but I have kept all my promises and all my vows that I made to you.
I remember the exact moment you changed and started to act differently. The way you treated me changed, the way that you reacted to me changed, the way you responded to me changed, the way that you viewed my heart changed, the way you talked to me changed, the way you touched me had changed.
It all changed—everything changed.
Even the way you kissed me and hugged me changed.
I watched my best friend and the love of my life turn into a stranger. You may believe that you have everything you could ever want right now, but the one thing you are missing is me.
Eventually, you will miss me. You will look for me in someone else. You will search for me in conversations; you will long for and reach out for me in intimacy. You will think of me when you are doing something you’ve always done with me or wanted to do with me.
When all of this is over, you’ll wish I still loved you the way that you should have loved me. You’ll wish that I stayed while you treated me like shit or that you never treated me that way to begin with.
You will wish that you chose your wife instead of the very thing that you allowed to come between us.
The one person that was supposed to keep me sane and be there for me was the same person that made me want to kill myself and feel invisible.
The worst part about a stranger is when they are in the same room with you, watching you fall apart, and they don’t even care or see it because they already stopped valuing you.
They already stopped seeing you as the person that they love.
I used to think, “Wow, his love is the warmest color,” but I was so fucking wrong.
Now I can’t even see you as the same person that I used to. I can’t look at you without there being a glimpse of regret in my eyes and heart. There are days where I wish I had never met you.
When this is all over, I know that you’ll come back to me. You’ll miss me and you’ll want to be with me again.
When this is all over, you’ll also realize that it is too late for you, for us. It is too late to heal the wounds that you are still making. It’s too late to heal the heart that you are still breaking. It is too late to fix a marriage that is no longer solid, and it is too late to prove to me that you love me when you have already made your decision and your choice wasn’t me.
That is why I am here alone without you and you are there where you want to be with her. For now, that is
I should have never had to feel like an option or a choice or something that you put on the back burner so you have something to come back to if it doesn’t work out with her.
I did my part as a friend, as a wife, as a partner. I was anything and everything you needed in someone. I mended your broken heart and made you whole again. I only wish you would have kept doing the same for me.
So when all of this is over, do you believe I’ll allow you to come back to me?