It took me a while to see this. For so long, you were my standard. You were the one who I measured my worth upon. What you saw in me was what I chose to believe I was.
Boy, how wrong was I.
Luckily, after some soul-searching following our break-up, I realized that your twisted view of me has nothing to do with how I really am. All it does is reflect your poor judgment of me and the selfish nature of your love.
First of all, I don’t really believe you ever loved me. What you felt for me may have been lust, at best. You don’t treat a girl who gives you her heart on a silver platter the way you treated me.
You never saw me as anything more than just a piece of meat. A piece of meat that would listen to you, guide you, help you and give you all the other things that you just couldn’t get enough of.
And what did I have in return? Half of your attention and only caring for me when I looked my best, so you could parade me around your friends who only judged me based on how short my dress was and how perky my ass looked.
Right now, I’m disgusted at how I let you treat me. You never showed me any respect. You never bothered to be there when I was a mess. You were only there when YOU needed something from me. How foolish of me to confuse that with love.
But I thank God that he let you in my life. I really do. See, if not for you, this is how I would let everyone treat me. Because that is all I’ve been shown. You showed me any attention and I put my best dress on and went running. And in return, when I called you, when I was in need, you never showed up. You never wanted to be there for me because you saw my emotional side as a flaw.
You could never accept that relationships are more than just two people enjoying life together and then when it gets hard, bailing on each other. When times were good, we were on a roll, but when life got in the way, you vanished until I fixed things myself.
I’m done letting you treat me this way. I refuse to be seen as needy, when all I wanted was your attention. I refuse to be seen as clingy, when all I wanted was to know my boyfriend loved me. I refuse to let you picture me as flawed, when all I really am is human.
At the time, this was all lost on me but now I see clearer than ever.
You are no longer a factor in how I choose to see myself, or most importantly—my worth. You are no longer relevant in my soul-searching. You no longer exist.
What you saw as needy, somebody else will see as a girl who loves so profoundly that she simply needs to see that love reciprocated.
What you saw as clingy, somebody else will see as a girl who loves spending time with her partner because he makes her happy. It’s that simple.
What you saw as flawed, somebody else will see as a hidden gem. He will see me as a kind, good-hearted girl, who is committed and faithful, open and trustworthy and, above all, genuine and real.
I will not settle for anything or anyone less. If you want me, you get all of me. I’m not going to pretend to be perfect to please you and be alone in my misery. I’m not going to put on a brave face around you, only to come home and cry myself to sleep.
No. If I have to pretend to be anything other than the real, messy girl that I am, you are not relevant to my life. Only those who can accept all of me are worthy of my time.
You are the one who made me realize that. Out of that shitty relationship, I came out as the winner. You taught me to value myself and I’ll forever be thankful.
I no longer have the patience for anything half-assed. If you love me, you get all of me and there are no shortcuts.
Love me or leave me, I no longer accept anything in-between. I’m the best version of myself I have ever been and only those who can appreciate me in all my realness, get the key to my heart.