When you left me, the only thing I wanted to happen was for you toย come back. I prayed for you to come to my doorstep, telling me you miss me and telling me how sorry you were for everything you did to me.
I hoped that with time, youโd realize that I was the only woman you could ever love and that youโd understand that you made a mistake when you walked away from me.
But days and months went by and none of this happened. It was more than clear that you had moved on with your life and that you had forgotten all about me.
And this realization broke my heart all over again. I couldnโt believe you were so heartless and that you could erase me from your life, as if I was never a part of it
But despite all the emotional pain I was feeling, I knew it was about time I do the same. It was about time for me to continue with my life and to admit to myself that you were a part of my past.
I wonโt lie to youโI didnโt get over you easily. It took me a lot of pain and tears to accept the fact that you werenโt coming back to me and that youโd stopped loving me.
But eventually, I grew to accept this fact. And I finally started living my life without you in it.
And that was when you reappeared. It was like you had a sixth sense, telling you that I was about to forget you completely and you werenโt going to let that happen.
All of a sudden, you were telling me everything I had wanted to hear for all those months Iโd spent suffering for you. All of a sudden, all of my dreams were coming true:ย my ex missed me.
But guess whatโit was too late for you to do anything.
And I didnโt believe a word you were saying. Because finally, I knew better.
I knew that you never loved me.
Because you donโt leave the person you love without any reason. You donโt walk away from them, knowing that you are breaking their heart. And you certainly donโt leave them tearing apart, while you continue living your life, as if nothing has happened.
And I knew that you would end up breaking my heart again if I let you back in.
I knew that you would go back to your old ways the second you saw me forgiving you.
I knew that me taking you back would be a sign that you could do whatever you wanted to me.
And that I would always be there to welcome you open handed.
I knew that you just needed confirmation that I still loved you and that you could still have me whenever you wanted. I knew you just wanted to make sure you had your safety net and your back up plan, if everything else in your life went wrong. I knew you just needed someone to boost your ego.
But youโd come to the wrong person.
When I sent you away, I couldnโt believe what I was doing. But there I was, standing in front of you and telling you to go to hell. Telling youย it was too lateย for you to do anything.
Iโll be honestโmy heart was breaking into pieces while I was saying these words.
But I knew that you didnโt deserve a place in my life. And I knew this was something I had to do if I wanted to heal completely.
Iโd spent so many nights crying myself to sleep and praying for this to happen and now when it was finally happening, I was the one letting it slide through my hands. When you finally came to me, telling me everything I wanted to hear, I was the one chasing you away.
To be honest, I was scared that I would regret my decision the moment I saw you really walking away again. I was scared that these were my spite and my ego talking, and that I would end up begging you to come back.
But luckily for me, none of this happened. I stuck to my decision, knowing it was the right thing to do.
The truth is that I never once regretted the fact I didnโt take you back.
And now I know it was the best decision of my life.
