An attachment style is a pattern of behavior you display in relation to others and the way you attach to your loved ones. It is the way you act in your friendships and romantic and family relationships.
The original study of attachment styles was primarily about a children-parents relationship but later on, experts realized that adult relationships work in a similar manner as well.
There are four of these styles and all of us have one which is predominant and which dictates our behavior in relation to the important people in our lives.
If you belong to this attachment style, the most important thing in romantic relationships for you is safety.
You would never let in someone you’re not sure about or someone who can’t give you the security you crave in your heart.
You don’t look for butterflies and excitement because you know true love is more than that. You don’t need passion which will overwhelm you, just so it could fade away.
You are mature enough to always choose permanent love over temporary lust. To know that intimacy is much more than steamy bedroom action.
Instead of searching for love at first sight, you’re looking for a person whose love will feel like home.
Someone to be your life partner, someone to make you calm and someone to be your harbor in the most difficult storms.
When it comes to you, everything happens gradually. Once you meet your forever person, there are no fireworks or unnecessary drama.
In fact, you fall in love while getting to know your partner. You don’t have a desire to change them and their qualities attract you, one by one.
Even though some might consider this type of love story boring, the truth is that relationships like these often last a lifetime.
Insecure Avoidant Attachment
Contrary to the previous attachment style, you usually let your insecurities take over you when you’re in a romantic relationship.
Unconsciously, in the past, you developed a tendency for falling for emotionally unavailable men.
For men who couldn’t have given you the love you deserved and who didn’t have the emotional capacities you needed.
Therefore, taught by previous painful experiences, you have trouble forming emotional closeness in any relationship and especially in romantic ones.
With time, you concluded that men won’t respond to your feelings, so you’ve learned to repress them.
Now, you have trouble letting people in all the way. You’ve become guarded and built walls around your heart that keep all the intruders out.
After all the disappointments you’ve experienced, you’ve learned that the only way to protect yourself is to remain a careful and closed person and never to allow someone new to crush you.
People belonging to this style of attachment are usually emotionally dependent on people in their lives, especially their romantic partners.
Once you fall in love, your man becomes the center of your world and the only cause of your existence.
The fear of him leaving you takes over you completely and you’re ready to do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening.
All of a sudden, you become a people pleaser and you change the essence of your personality, just so this guy could like you more.
You want to avoid rejection and abandonment at any cost and the insecurities and fears connected to this which make you feel needy and clingy.
You are concerned that you’re the one who loves more and the only one fighting for your relationship.
The name says it all—you’re unpredictable and it usually appears that you don’t even know what you want.
Your actions are often confusing for your partner and it appears that your behavior doesn’t make any sense or have any order.
Not only that—you’re also considered a real drama queen in all of your relationships. You enjoy the chase and playing hot and cold games.
You have a habit of pretending to be hard to get, just to test your partner’s love for you.
Naturally, all of this leads to you having a roller coaster of emotions. It leads to a turbulent romantic relationship, which at first looks like a passionate connection but ends up being a real nightmare.