I WILL NEVER LET YOU FADE AWAY FROM MY MEMORIES

Memories are a real miracle. Once you experience something, it gets deep rooted in your being. Your brain turns into a mosaic of innumerable pictures and as time goes by, you remember only those that have changed you. You changed me. Your world was such an inviting place for an innocent girl like me. At first, I was afraid to enter. Then you offered me your hand, promising you’d give your best to make me happy. I believed you. I mean, who wouldn’t? The way you talked with such certainty, the way you looked me in the eye and the way you kissed me made me believe that you were the one for me. Back then, I didn’t know that your world was full of unexpected surprises that were about to come.   We loved each other. We loved each other a lot. I remember how we used to dance on the beach under the starry sky in the middle of the summer. In your arms, I felt like I was the only girl in the world. Or when you would start chasing me through the entire house until I surrendered and decided to give you a kiss at last. You made me feel worthy, special, appreciated. I thought to myself: Damn, if this is love, I want to overdose on it! And I did. I OD’ed. (On love, of course).   I never believed them when they told me that you were not good for me. They told me that you were a bad guy and that eventually you would hurt me. I couldn’t believe such nonsense because in my eyes, you were the sweetest guy I had ever been with. I guess your appearance tricked me. You made me feel like I was the only girl in the world, only to manipulate me. You fed yourself on my innocence. You treated me like a queen only to feel better about yourself! Everything in your life was falling to pieces, so you needed me to remind you of that last piece of innocence you once had. They accused you of dealing drugs and being connected with some bad guys, your mother and father despised you, your ex with a baby was after you. If I had only known. Yet, the worst thing of all happened when I saw you with her. You kissed her hand, after which you switched to her lips. I felt like someone had shot me in the head. The only word I could think of was WHY?? Why did you treat me like a queen only to make me feel like shit? Why did you have to prove everything they said about you? Just why?? My friends gathered around me, along with my mum and dad. They didn’t have to say a word. I just started crying like a little baby, at which they hugged me and the rest is a thing of the past now… I will never forgive you for changing me but I’ll also never let you fade away from my memories. I appreciate every single moment I spent with you and every single word I uttered to you.   It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault. We were just two strangers who failed at meeting each other properly. I failed by letting you change me and you failed by not knowing what you were doing. But now these are all just memories in the mosaic of my past.   I’m not mad at you. I don’t wish you any harm. I hope you’re good. Perhaps someday we’ll meet on the beach under the same starry sky, like we used to. But this time I’ll refuse to enter your world because I’ve created mine and I’m pretty happy with the people I have in it. The only thing I would want is to have a proper goodbye and to thank you for everything good and bad you did to me because that is what made me strong and grateful for everything I have today.