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In normal circumstances, the worst outcome of a shattering break-up is a broken heart. Unless you were involved with a narcissist.
Don’t get me wrong—I am not trying to claim that a broken heart isn’t a big deal because it is definitely one of the most painful things all of us experience. But narcissists don’t stop at breaking your heart and the consequences of a relationship with them are much more severe.
1. Diminish your worth
The first thing every narcissist tries to do from the start is diminished his victim’s worth. And what is even worse is that at first, they do it without you even noticing it.
You see, narcissists have a huge problem with low self-esteem. They don’t feel good about themselves, even when they pretend to be the most confident person ever.
And the only way in which they can feel equal to you is by dragging you down to their level. They know they can’t control the independent, strong woman you are.
So, a narcissist makes it his duty to distort your self-image. He will feed your insecurities and do everything in his power for you to think of yourself as less, as much as possible.
2. Gaslight you
Another method all narcissists use is gaslighting. When a narcissist gaslights you, he makes you question your own sanity and he tries to convince you that you are the crazy one when it is actually the other way around.
This man will make you doubt your own words and actions. He will lie, manipulate you and try to convince you about something that is not true, just so you end up looking like the bad guy. This man will twist everything that goes on between the two of you until he gets inside your head completely and until you start believing every single word he says.
3. Make you feel guilty
Narcissists don’t have a sense of responsibility. And even when they know they are the guilty ones, they’ll never admit it to anyone, let alone to their victim.
Every narcissist has a way of making excuses for himself and justifying his toxic behavior. But he won’t stop there—he also wants to persuade you that you are the one to blame for everything wrong in your relationship.
Of course, at first, you are very well aware of how things are. But eventually, this man manages to convince you that you are the cause of all the problems in your relationship and that you are the one who has to change for the better.
Even when a narcissist acts like he is taking the blame, he does it in a twisted and sick way. Even when he asks for forgiveness and admits that he is guilty of doing something, he will manipulate you into thinking that you were the one who caused him to be that way and the one who provoked him to hurt you.
In the end, you start to think that you had it coming and that you deserved everything this man has been doing to you. And that was a narcissist’s master plan all along.
4. Change the essence of your personality
As was already stated, narcissistic people don’t stop at breaking your heart. No, they have the need to crush you completely and break your spirit in every possible way as well.
After you spend years next to someone like this, you find it difficult to recognize yourself anymore because they erase every trace of the person you were before they entered your life. You lose yourself completely in this pursuit of happiness next to the wrong man.
And when a narcissist sees that he’s succeeded in his intentions, that is when he thinks he has won. He knows that he has left a permanent mark on your personality, which blows his ego out of proportion.
5. Make you lose faith
Walking away from a narcissist is one of the most difficult things to do. And if this is something you’ve been through, you know exactly what I am talking about.
But healing after narcissistic abuse is even harder. You see, a narcissist makes you lose faith in men and in people in general.
This man has caused you so much harm that it is natural for you to expect that every other guy in your life will treat you the same way. You think that everyone has the intention of breaking your heart and that there doesn’t exist a man on this planet who will see your worth and who will love you for real.
But the worst part is that narcissists make you lose faith in yourself. They convince you that you are the unlovable one and that you don’t deserve to find true love. They make you think that you are good for nothing and they make you stop loving yourself for real.
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My only disappointment is that this is narrated as if it is a Male thing. I am reading these articles because I just escaped a covert narcissist. She was a sweet, soft spoken, petite, absolutely gorgeous woman. So many people thinks she can do no wrong.
I hear you brother… My thoughts exactly. Beautiful, petite, sweet gal. But completely evil, vicious… And sadly, a filthy whore. Yet managed to break me into a million pieces. Still trying to recover! Best wishes!
Female narcissists can be lethal; Beatriz Grimaldi in Bologna will stop at nothing to destroy lives so that the married man will feed her ego and pay her trips.
My husband constantly lies then he says I’m only joking but its every day he blames me for everything that has happened in the past and even said o w day my lives too short to spend another day with you .
Here’s an issue lots could use help with…yr partner is a narcissist & u know u gotta leave. BUT u worked towards everything u own, do u walk away from it or fight for yr rights. How can u prove that yr partner is a monster when everyone thinks they are wonderful. He/she is a social media hound but it’s impossible to prove even that because their computer is locked by passwords. U know he/she is up to no good on it but again no proof. U would need to get into his/her profiles not just on them…but because u can’t u feel defeated. U can’t prove anything to a court, sure u may get some assets but u want more… u want to expose his/her evil side so everyone sees them for what they truly are and that’s what will hurt a narcissist the most!!
Don’t forget that can be dangerous for some of us, discretion is advised only if it can be done safely.
I’m living with one for 30 years. He tries to convince me that everything is in my head..I have lost me to this man .The lies the cheating it’s all so hurtful ..I know I deserve better but I feel paralyzed to leave .People don’t stay, the gas lighting the playing with your mind , making you feel that you have on too much weight when you are 5ft4ins 140 pounds ..when the women stare at you with a condescending smile because or the things he say ..the hunting for young girls younger than his daughter ..Its all a big mess I pray one day that this misery will end …
It will not. I prayed too for mine so much so that I nearly lost faith in God. He knew this and he knew what he was doing that caused God not to answer my prayers yet he allowed me to keep on going. I finally found out about his affairs, betrayals and lies and woke up to his narcissism. I divorced him. The worst hurt was that he knew how important God was to me and he would have let me lose my faith in God.
My wife was my world. Shortly after flying her to Italy to marry her she began accusing me of cheating. I would go to great lengths to defend myself and assure her that was not possible.
As the accusations continued they would lead to arguments to avoid the arguments I would work in the garage. I was then accused of ignoring her. She would call me a liar a cheater and a narcissist so I booked a therapy session so I could get prescribed pills or what ever was needed to rid me of narcissism because I didn’t have a clue what that was.
Fights evolved from name calling to being sucker punched in the face. 15-20 times. I started to fight back by throwing things back at her. I suppose that was ultimately what she wanted as her next move was to call police and make false accusations of domestic violence, get a restraining order on me and throw me out of my own house. She made me homeless as punishment for rejecting control. It cost me friends and my identity.
#6- They change peoples perception of you.
My daughter is my hurtful person. I had to let go of her totally about 4years ago. Hardest and most emotional thing I ever faced. She is 41 now. I adopted her when she was 22 months old. The narcissistic behavior began to manifest itself around age 8. Tried counseling – she just lied.
Worked with her every way possible nothing worked except when I went to a psychiatrist and was told what I had to do…let her go and no more contact ever. Your “change people’s perceptions of you” really struck home with me.
My mother 91 is on her death bed and I asked her if she loved me. She said no, and I never have!
I shouldn’t have asked the question if I don’t like the answer. I’m still learning at age 65 that she has the power to destroy my confidence.