Texting and Dating: How Often Should You Really Text Someone New?
In the modern dating world, texting has become a cornerstone of communication. It’s how we flirt, plan dates, and get to know someone new. But when it comes to texting frequency, especially in the early stages of dating, things can get tricky. Text too much, and you risk coming off as overly eager or even clingy. Text too little, and you might seem disinterested. Striking the right balance is key—especially when dealing with potential red flags, such as dating a narcissist.
The Role of Texting in Early Dating
Texting is a powerful tool in the early stages of dating. It allows you to maintain a connection between dates, share snippets of your day, and build anticipation for the next meeting. However, it’s important to remember that texting is just one form of communication. Over-relying on it can create a false sense of intimacy, which can be dangerous if you’re dealing with someone who has narcissistic tendencies.
Narcissists are often skilled at using texting to manipulate and control. They may love-bomb you with excessive messages early on, making you feel special and desired. But this can quickly shift to hot-and-cold behavior, leaving you confused and craving their attention. Understanding the dynamics of texting can help you spot these patterns early and protect yourself from emotional manipulation.
How Often Should You Text Someone New?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to how often you should text someone new, but here are some guidelines to help you navigate the situation:
- Match Their Energy
Pay attention to how often the other person texts you and try to match their pace. If they send a message every few hours, it’s safe to respond in a similar timeframe. This creates a balanced dynamic and prevents you from coming across as too eager or disinterested. - Avoid Over-Texting
While it’s tempting to text constantly when you’re excited about someone new, over-texting can be a turnoff. It can also signal to a narcissist that you’re easily hooked, making you a target for their manipulative behavior. Keep your messages thoughtful and spaced out to maintain a sense of mystery. - Prioritize Quality Over Quantity
Instead of focusing on how often you text, focus on the quality of your messages. Meaningful conversations that show genuine interest in the other person are far more impactful than a barrage of superficial texts. - Set Boundaries
If you notice that the other person is texting excessively or at odd hours, don’t be afraid to set boundaries. Narcissists often test boundaries early on to see how much they can control you. Politely but firmly communicate your preferences for communication.
Red Flags to Watch Out For
When texting someone new, it’s important to be aware of potential red flags that could indicate narcissistic behavior:
- Love-Bombing: Excessive compliments, declarations of love, or constant texting early on can be a sign of love-bombing, a common tactic used by narcissists to gain control.
- Hot-and-Cold Behavior: If their texting patterns are inconsistent—intense one day and distant the next—it could be a sign of manipulation.
- Guilt-Tripping: Narcissists may use texts to make you feel guilty for not responding quickly enough or for setting boundaries.
- Lack of Genuine Interest: If the conversation always revolves around them and they show little interest in your life, it could be a sign of self-centeredness.
Protecting Yourself from Narcissistic Manipulation
Dating a narcissist can be emotionally draining, but being aware of their tactics can help you protect yourself. Here are some tips:
- Trust Your Gut: If something feels off about their texting behavior, don’t ignore it. Narcissists are often charming at first, but their true colors will eventually show.
- Take It Slow: Avoid rushing into a relationship. Narcissists often push for quick commitment to secure their control over you.
- Seek Support: If you suspect you’re dealing with a narcissist, confide in friends or a therapist. They can provide valuable perspective and support.
Conclusion
Texting is an integral part of modern dating, but it’s important to approach it with intention and awareness. By paying attention to texting patterns and setting healthy boundaries, you can avoid falling into the trap of a narcissist. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, genuine connection, and balanced communication—not just the frequency of texts. Stay mindful, trust your instincts, and don’t be afraid to walk away if something doesn’t feel right.
