5 Signs You’re in a Relationship That’s Bad for Your Mental Health “How people treat you is their karma; how you respond is yours.” Wayne Dyer When we enter into a relationship, it should always be good for our mental health. We sincerely hope that we can exchange mutual, positive thoughts and feelings with the other person over a long period without burdening each other. Much of the happiness we get from a relationship depends on our positive attitude.
Ultimately, the success or failure of any relationship, friendship, courtship, marriage, etc. depends on the frequency, depth, and quality of interactions we have with someone else. Ultimately, our state of mind is affected either positively or negatively, depending on these interactions. Unfortunately, there are many unhealthy relationships. Take divorce, for example. Although statistics vary depending on the source, about half of all marriages end in divorce (the actual statistics are probably slightly less than half). Divorce is an extremely traumatic event; it can damage someone’s mental health before, during, and after it. Our friendships and dating relationships can also affect our mental health.
Amid a relationship, it can be quite difficult to stop and assess our mental state. Most of the time, our attention is focused on one of two areas: (1) healing the relationship or (2) figuring out how to get out of it. The extent to which a negative relationship is damaging our health depends on several different variables, including:
- Length of relationship
- Type of relationship (marriage, friendship, courtship, etc.)
- If any violence (mental or physical) occurs
- If there are children
- If there was treason
- — Etc.
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1. Constantly second-guessing thoughts and feelings (thinking that perhaps you are overreacting or being too sensitive, etc.) when you have the right to do so.
It’s common to question our thoughts and feelings at times. We are humans, after all. However, it’s not normal for the person we’re in a relationship with to act in a way that constantly forces us to evaluate our state of mind and rethink our emotions. If this happens repeatedly over time, there’s a good chance the other person is being manipulative.
It is worth noting that this stage often involves denial, either on the part of the person causing the harm or the recipient of the harm. The harmer will typically deny intent, often saying things like, “I didn’t know you thought that…” or “I didn’t mean to…” However, the recipient will often deny the other person’s intentions towards them, as if trying to rationalize the other person’s behavior!
2. You justify their behavior.
If we ever find ourselves apologizing to someone else, we need to stop. This can be difficult, especially if it’s someone we deeply care about and/or love.
Constantly making excuses for someone else has two problems: (1) it allows the other person to continue their negative behavior without consequences, and (2) it will harm another relationship: the one for whom we are making excuses. It won’t take long for them to start feeling exploited and mistreated.
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But we also need to watch how we justify ourselves. For example:
- “I’d rather agree to it than be alone.”
- “They are a great friend; I did something wrong.”
- “I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”
- “I’ll raise this issue later.”
3. Denying yourself the right to think, feel, act…
We often deny ourselves the right to think, feel, or act when our justifications become excessive or we are too eager to maintain a failing relationship. Some of us will even talk ourselves into thinking that we are somehow being benefactors for putting someone else before ourselves!
We often see this in couples, especially those with children. One person is completely disillusioned with the relationship, but “for the sake of the children” or they simply bury their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. They certainly will not take any action that can change their circumstances. This will also happen to someone who has been a close friend for a long time.
4. Uncontrollable anger, fear, or anxiety when communicating
In relationships that have been mentally unhealthy for some time, it often feels like the negative emotions are intensified when interacting with the other person. Despite our best efforts, there is a persistent sense of dread.
It’s as if we’ve been hurt for so long that any conversation or other interaction triggers negative emotions. The frequency and intensity of these thoughts and emotions tend to be related to the severity and duration of the abuse. Consistent negative thoughts and emotions are detrimental to our mental health.
5. Constant attempts to “fix” the relationship without much benefit
Relationships are a two-way street. Both parties need to be open to reciprocating at times. When someone is not willing to reciprocate the effort required to maintain a healthy relationship, there is often little that can be done.
- If, despite our best efforts to do so, the other person either (1) seems to change only for a short time or (2) refuses to make any kind of change in their behavior, it is likely that the relationship simply will not work. Friendship cannot be forced. Dating cannot be forced. Marriage cannot be forced. We can “work” on a relationship, but this can only happen if both people are willing to put in the time and effort to do so.
These are 5 signs that you are in a relationship that is harmful to your mental health:
In summary, we should not tolerate negative relationships regularly. Although we may be afraid to cut ties with someone, often better times come afterward—for both of us. We should take our mental health very seriously by refusing to associate with people who threaten to upset our emotional and mental stability.
