Relationship Advice: Why You Should Never Live at a Man’s Expense
Girls, learn to earn your own money.
For the 8 years I lived with my ex-husband, I was financially dependent on him, as many other women are dependent on their husbands. But it was not my choice. When we met, he was already working, and I had just returned to college after a long “job break.” I had many successful projects, but I decided that I needed to finish my studies. When I graduated, I was already 32, and within a few months I found myself a job.
Since we were already over 30, we wanted to have a child. We didn’t think that it would leave me without a job, but it did. The first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, and I had to stay in the hospital for the entire second pregnancy. When I returned home with the baby, we decided that I would stay at home and earn some money as a freelancer. But then we decided to have a second baby, and I had to quit my part-time job. But this pregnancy also ended in a miscarriage. And when my daughter was 1.5 years old, my husband was short of money, and I needed to find a job. It was hard to find suitable options to cover our expenses. My husband was constantly irritated and did not see any light at the end of the tunnel. I was depressed too. I am a smart woman, and I knew that I had a lot to offer if only I was given a chance. But that was not the worst thing.
The worst thing was that I felt helpless and invisible because I couldn’t make a decent living. My husband and I would fight; he would constantly remind me that he was the one paying for everything and that this was his house. It didn’t matter that I was looking after his house and our child. It didn’t matter that I was trying my hardest to find a good job and working part-time. This was his house. I guess I was just a guest there. There were many times when I thanked him for working so hard while I was taking care of the child. But there were many times when I didn’t thank him for it, and I’m not ashamed. Because I felt constantly reminded that if I didn’t work, then I was worthless. As if being a mother was worthless.
He didn’t come home and say, “Thank you for taking such good care of our house; thank you for making our daughter happy.” Maybe he thinks that because he’s usually modest, but I’ve never heard him say anything nice about what a wife and mother I am.
I understood his stress, but not as much as I do now, as a semi-divorced mom trying to navigate her own finances.
When my husband and I separated, I found a great job. It gives me time for my family; it’s stable, and they treat young mothers well.
I don’t make a fortune, but I can support myself and my daughter.
Yes, I work hard, but I earn my money, and I enjoy it.
I am no longer a guest in my home; I am an equal parent who contributes to my child’s financial future.
After financial problems and divorce, feeling powerless in my marriage, I came to the conclusion that if I was going to fall in love again, this man would have to be able to take care of himself, not me.
I never want to rely on other people’s money; it’s bad for my peace of mind and my self-esteem. I want to earn my own money and make my own decisions.
I have a little daughter looking up to me, so I have to teach her to be independent. And if I don’t set an example for her, what kind of lesson will that be?
