Many people think that everything will go smoothly in their life the moment they say their wedding vows.
They assume that all the problems they had in the relationship are behind them now, once they say, โI do.โ
Well, the truth is actually somewhat different.
In fact, a healthy marriage is constant work and it requires setting marriage goals, which are crucial for a successful relationship between two people.
Marriage goals are basically some targets which you strive to accomplish in your relationship.
It is something you work toward with joint forces, a way to strengthen your marriage and something which inspires and motivates you to always go forward.
What are these goals weโre talking about? How do you set goals in marriage?
Read on and find the answers to these questions.
15 Realistic Goals For A Healthy Marriage
1. Effort
One of the first goals of marriage you should try to set, if you want a successful marriage, is deciding to put effort into building it.
You need to understand one thingโno healthy relationship can be built overnight and this especially goes for a romantic one.
Yes, this means that both you and your partner have to put the same amount of effort into making your marriage work.
However, have in mind that some days, one of you will be investing more energy while there will be times when the other person will be pulling most of the weight.
Keep in mind that marriage is both about giving and receiving and this effort weโre talking about has to go both ways for everything to make sense.
You canโt beย the only one trying, nor can your partner be the only one who cares about your futureโotherwise youโll never make the best out of your marriage.
2. Quality time
You probably assume that youโre done with dating the moment you say, โI do,โ Well, think again because youโre wrong.
Even if you have kids, a family, everyday jobs, chores and other duties, you should still spend some quality time with your significant other.
I know that you probably live busy lives and that you feel like you donโt have a second of free time but trust meโthis marriage goal is crucial for your survival.
Spare some time for just the two of you, without your children and without phones and pretend like youโre still in a relationship.
At least once in a month, go out on a weeklyย dateย like in the old days; it doesnโt have to be a fancy, romantic, candlelit dinner if youโre out of moneyโit will be enough for the two of you to grab a cup of coffee on your own, without anyone disturbing you.
Sadly, many married couples fall into a rut and forget about this goal.
Therefore, before they know it, they stop being what they essentially are (romantic partners) and turn into nothing more than co-parents who are struggling to finance a household together.
3. Companionship
Donโt forget one crucial thingโyou and your other half are a team now.
Youโre companions and everything you do, you should do it with joint forces.
Of course, this doesnโt mean that youโre expected to lose your individuality altogether.
Nobody is telling you to ditch your friends, family, hobbies or interests or to stop being the person you have been your entire life and to become just a husband or a wife.
However, things will be much easier for you if you start seeing yourself as part of a power couple.
The good news is that youโre no longer alone in this world and that you have someone to back you up at all times.
This is another thing that you and your significant other have to cherish and work on.
Yes, it brings a lot of responsibility because from the day you say your wedding vows, your actions stop affecting just you but it is also a huge relief that from that moment on, you have a teammate.
4. Respect
What most people forget is that there is not much point in loving each other if you donโt share mutual respect, which is something you canโt have a happy marriage without.
After all, you two are not kids and you know what it means to treat someone with respect, especially your spouse.
No, to set goals doesnโt include you nodding your head to everything they say or that you have to blindly follow their lead; naturally, youโre allowed to have an opinion of your ownโyou just have to take theirs into consideration at all times as well.
Even when you two have different attitudes about something, there is no insulting or putting one another down, especially not in front of others.
Instead, learn to agree that you disagree.
Also, it is crucial to respect each otherโs friends and families, desires, personal time, space and individuality.
Another relationship goal you should strive for is respecting your wedding vows for as long as youโre marriedโnot only having them in mind while youโre newlyweds.
It is remembering that you promised to be there for each other in both good and bad days, in sickness and health and that a break up is the last option you wonโt even take into consideration.
Just donโt forget to have some self-respect along the way!
5. Healthy communication
Another one of the keys to a happy marriage is without a doubt healthy communication, which is crucial for the health of your marriage.
This is the person you share your life with and if you canโt tell each other what you think and how you honestly feel, without holding anything back, whatโs the point of your relationship?
When youโre bothered by something, there is no ignoring or silent treatment.
Remember that your significant other doesnโt have the ability to read minds, so there is no theoretical possibility for them to know whatโs wrong unless you tell them.
Donโt worryโhappy couples argue as well, so it doesnโt mean that your communication is poor if you have some issues.
However, the difference is that they know how to fight. When you have good communication, you and your spouse will learn from your arguments.
Youโll perfect the skill of accepting the other personโs opinion, even if it differs from yours, you wonโt insult each other during your fights and you wonโt bring them down.
Donโt forgetโitโs always you two on one side and the problem on the other; it should never be you against each other.
Also, healthy communication includes listening to what the other person is saying.
It means acknowledging their words and paying close attention to what theyโre telling you.
6. Compromise
As it was already stated, youโre no longer alone in this world and as much benefit this brings, it also means that you canโt do whatever the hell you want.
Donโt get me wrongโIโm not saying that your marriage should limit your freedom but as soon as you become aย newlywed, you canโt go through life the way you feel like it, without taking the other personโs well-being into consideration.
Thatโs why compromise is one of the smart goals you should put an effort into achieving if you want to preserve the health of your marriage.
Remember that this is a two-way street and that you two have to meet each other halfway if you want to have a stronger marriage.
You and your significant other are equals; there are no submissive or dominant roles here and both of your opinions and desires count equally.
Since you both have the same amount of responsibilities, duties and rights, you should both have the same say when it comes to making crucial decisions regarding your relationship.
7. Forgiveness
Another relationship goal you should work toward is without a doubtย forgiveness.
No, this doesnโt mean that you should allow your partner to treat you the way they want, while you should keep on forgiving them and acting like everything is in perfect order.
Instead, tell them when something is wrong and when youโre not okay with the way theyโve been acting.
However, setting goals in marriage doesnโt include either of you holding grudges or being resentful for ages about something in the past.
If something happens between you two, talk things through and work toward forgiveness instead of allowing this issue to become a stepping stone toward the failure of your marriage.
Donโt mention a breakup after your first mistake and donโt even think about divorce.
Naturally, there are some things you canโt find an excuse for and nobody will blame you for respecting your deal-breakers but please, do your best to be as tolerant as possible.
Have in mind that both of you are human beings made of flesh and blood.
You both make mistakes which you regret and youโre both entitled to forgiveness.
Instead, have realistic but clear expectations from your partner.
Try walking a mile in their shoes and be full of understanding, even if they do something to hurt you.
8. Appreciation
You donโt have to be eternally grateful to your spouse when theyโre acting the way a normal marital partner should act.
Nevertheless, one of theย relationship goalsย you should be working toward is definitely appreciation.
Show your partner that you appreciate everything theyโre doing for your marriage and be thankful for the effort they put into setting goals for your future together.
Show them that you appreciate their sacrifices and that youโre more than proud of having them around.
Donโt take their efforts for granted and put a smile on your face for every little thing they do for you.
Of course, expect the same treatment back. Donโt allow your spouse to behave like itโs okay for you to move mountains for them, while they donโt have to lift a finger.
9. Intimacy
Despite what many couples might think, intimacy is much more than sex and action in the bedroom and it is one of the most important goals for marriage.
Sometimes, itโs all about holding hands, having weekly date nights, looking each other deeply in the eyes while not saying a word, spending quality time together and knowing each other to the core.
Yes, having a high-quality sex life is a powerful goal and something you should work toward.
I wonโt lie to you thoughโyou wonโt have aย healthy relationshipย if itโs only based on the physical aspects.
Nevertheless, if you want a stronger marriage, your sex life should be in order as well.
There is no room for selfishness in the bedroom and it is crucial for both of you to be satisfied.
Just like with everything in life, find a middle ground.
Donโt do anything youโre not comfortable doing but make sure you please your spouseโs well-being.
However, a smart goal is to increase your intimacy levels in other fields as well.
Connect in different ways and do your best to strengthen your bond in and out of the bedroom.
10. Faith
The most powerful goal in every marriage is faith.
Even if you donโt believe in God in traditional terms, Iโm sure you do believe in something or someone to whom you pray and who you think can give you a hand when youโre going through rough times.
You and your spouse donโt have to respect the same God but it is important if youโre both united in praying for the success of your marriage with joint forces.
Even when things are going downhill, have faith that you will make it work, no matter what.
Besides, respect each otherโs beliefs. RememberโGod is all about love and it is insane to argue about religion, as long as you both want peace, understanding and compromise.
11. Friendship
One of the daily goals every couple has to work toward all the time is friendship.
Your partner is not only your loverโthey should be yourย best friendย as well.
You know how you treat your best friend? You do your best to understand them, to accept their imperfections, to be there for them at all times and never to judge them.
However, you also expect the same treatment in return.
After all, this is your personโthe first person you go to when youโre going through some trouble, the first one you tell all the bad and good news to and someone whose advice you always take into consideration and listen to.
This is your confidant, the person youโre not ashamed to show your darkest side, someone youโre not scared of exposing your vulnerabilities to and a person you consider to be your family.
Well, even though you should maintain a healthy social life and the friendships you had before your marriage, your spouse should become your number one friend.
Besides all of this, they should be someone you enjoy spending time with the most, the person you have fun with and someone you can be your true self next to.
12. Support
Remember your wedding vows? How you both promised never to leave each otherโs side, no matter what?
Well, that includes unconditional support.
Setting smart goals in marriage means counting on your spouse to back you up when everyone else abandons you, to be there for you in sickness and health and to believe in you even when you lose faith in yourself.
Your marital partner should be the person you can rely on, someone you can tell your deepest secrets, the person you can trust with your life and the one who will never leave you hanging.
They should be the wind beneath your wings, your biggest fan and ally, someone who pushes you forward and who doesnโt let you give up.
13. Acceptance
When youโre setting your own goals for a successful marriage, please donโt forget about accepting the other person for who they really are.
Of course, every relationship, and especially something as serious as marriage, demands adaptation to a certain level.
However, it doesnโt mean that either of you should change the essence of your personality just to please the other person.
Donโt fool yourselfโyour love canโt change someone and if you try modifying your partner or molding them to fit your standards, while deep down this is not what they want, youโll sentence both of you to a life of misery.
You and your spouse are grown-ups. Youโre individuals with already formed personalities so you have no other choice but to completely accept each other, together with all of your flaws.
It is important to have realistic but clear expectations andย standardsย from day one.
See whether youโre compatible before getting married and see whether this is the person you can see yourself growing old next to.
If you realize otherwise, you can either accept their imperfections or walk away in time.
Rememberโnobody likes being parented and told what to do or how to behave themselves for you to like them more.
14. Trust
Another smart goal for your marriage is mutual trust.
This means that neither of you will doubt your partnerโs words, that youโll believe that they wouldnโt cheat on you or betray you in any way possible and that there wonโt be someย trust issuesย in your marriage.
Jealousy is also an important aspect of trust.
Yes, there is an amount of healthy jealousy in every romantic relationship but as soon as it turns into possessiveness, itโs time to make some changes between you two.
15. Love
Finally, there is no point in achieving any of these realistic goals weโve talked about unless there is love.
You and your spouse should love each other unconditionally and forever if you hope for your relationship to work out.
Donโt get me wrongโIโm not saying that love is the only marriage goal you should strive for because sadly, there are times when itโs simplyย not enough.
However, it is definitely crucial and without it, everything else is in vain.
