You no longer consume my thoughts. You’re a simple memory so far removed from my life that I can’t even imagine my life with you in it.
And it took me so long to get to this point, longer than I ever thought possible. But it’s not easy to let go of someone you gave the best of you to, someone who you used to dream of a future together with.
It’s not easy to make peace with the fact that someone yours is not yours anymore, that someone yours doesn’t feel the same way about you. But it had to be done.
I loved you for all that you were and all you couldn’t be. I loved, past tense, I don’t anymore because you left me no other choice.
I had to stop myself from thinking that one day we’d get back together. I had to block my mind every time it wandered off to you and started thinking, “What if things were different?”
So many times I would write you a text but I would delete it before sending it. I knew that I would accomplish nothing with a text, it would only make me weak in your eyes.
But there were so many things left to write, to ask, to say to you but I knew deep down that you didn’t want to talk about them.
So I let it be. I realized somewhere throughout my healing that not everything has to be resolved. That sometimes you are left without closure.
The worst part was forgiving you for not being able to love me back as much as I loved you.
That was the sad truth I had to live with. You just didn’t feel the same way, no matter how many times I used to delude myself that you did.
We were never meant to be.
I also had to forgive you for hurting me as much as you did. For turning your back on me without a good explanation. I never thought you would act so cowardly.
I have to forgive myself for thinking so highly of you. For allowing you to be the center of my universe and for forgetting about myself.
Getting over you was a long process indeed. The overwhelming pain in my chest couldn’t simply disappear overnight. It took its precious time.
I have to forgive myself for the greater pain I caused myself when I didn’t know how to move on from you.
I have to forgive myself for the sea of tears I spilled with every thought of you.
I wasted so much time but in the end, it was worth it. I rebuilt my life brick by brick. I strengthened my heart. I learned from my pain.
I never saw you after our break-up and I hope I never will. I don’t need a reminder of what was or what could have been.
I don’t know how I would feel if you were standing in front of me and I don’t want to find out.
You chose to be a part of my past and it’s better you stay there. We were never meant to be. I see that now.
I am walking into the future all by myself, with the hope that someone just right for me is waiting around the corner.
