If Guys Do These 20 Things On A First Date, No Need For A Second

ThoughtCatalogs April 19, 2019

0 19 10 minutes read

Anyone that has been in the dating world over the past decade can probably attest to some serious frustrations over what it truly means to date in today’s society. If you talk to any woman, she will likely tell you that she has struggled to find Mr. Right. Sometimes it makes us all wonder if guys really know what it takes to get from date one to date two.

Dating is a pretty big deal to women, and when we think about a first date we generally put a lot of effort into it. We get all dressed up, we worry about the date, and we really try to make everything perfect for it. So it can be disappointing to a woman when she realizes that a man has not put the same effort into a date.

There are a few things that are deal breakers for a woman when it comes to the first date, things that we can’t really recover from. There are certain things that a guy can do on the first date that can cause us to strike him off the list entirely. Check out these 20 things guys do that ensure they won’t get a second date.

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20Talking About Wealth

There is certainly a type of girl that is going to love the fact that you are talking about how much money you have. But it’s generally not the type of girl that a guy would seriously want.

Most women just don’t like to sit there on a first date and listen to a guy talk about how much money he has.

Genuine ladies are not going to be impressed by how much money you make or whether or not you have a Porsche. They care more about your personality and compatibility than what you drive or what’s in the bank.

19Being More Than Fifteen Minutes Late

We already know that first impressions are everything when you meet someone for the first time. But we can all understand that sometimes things happen that can make us a few minutes late for an event. But if you find a guy is more than 15 minutes late, that’s a serious problem. A guy should really be showing up relatively around the same time as you do for a date. A great way to tick your date off is to be more than 15 or so minutes late for a date. At that point, you might as well not show up at all.

18Talking About His Ex

It should be common sense, and yet you would be surprised how many people who do this very thing on a first date. Talking about exes is something people revert to when they run out of topics to discuss, too.

Obviously, if you continue to date this person, you are bound to start talking about your exes, but the first date just isn’t the time for that.

Sometimes these topics come up accidentally and that’s fine, just don’t spend a lot of time discussing the issue. The problem is, if a guy is talking about his ex all night, then chances are he’s not really over her.

17He Spends The Night Talking About Himself

It may be hard at times for a guy to determine how much of the first date he should be spending talking about himself. But a good rule would be to not start talking about yourself until you are asked. If a guy spends all night talking to himself, then all he has proven is that he really has no interest in who you are as a person. If a guy is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he’s going to ask you questions about your life and give you the time and space to answer them.

16He Doesn’t Listen

Nothing is more painful than being on a first date and feeling like the guy you are with isn’t listening to you at all.

The first date is definitely the time to focus on the person across from you.

“Actually listen. I’ve been guilty of half-listening to my girlfriend. And that means you give [lame] responses. That is not good. Put down what you’re doing — or at least tell your significant other to give you a second if you are in the middle of something dangerous — then give your full attention,” says Ella Ceron in How to Date Better.

15He Shows Up Sloppy

Again, first impressions are everything, and if a guy shows up looking sloppy then he clearly doesn’t care what you think of him. When you are going out on a first date, it’s really important to pay attention to your appearance. If you show up a mess, then you are telling your date that you don’t care what really happens with the date. If a man doesn’t care, he should cancel the date and stay home, not waste your time. That said, guys don’t need to think that they should don a fancy suit for a first date, but showering and wearing clean clothes is a must.

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14He Flirts With The Waitress

We don’t really need to tell you why this is bad news. Really, a guy should know better than to behave that way. Flirting with the waitress is never a good look, unless you’re on a dude date with your wingman.

But if you find yourself on a date with a guy that flirts with his waitress, it’s best to just get up and leave.

He’s just showing a lack of respect for you, and if he can’t manage to keep himself in check during a first date then you can bet he will behave like that throughout your entire relationship.

13He Looks At His Phone The Entire Time

12He Tells His Whole Life Story

There is definitely such a thing as TMI when it comes to the first date. Sure, you want to get to know each other, but if a guy tells you his whole life story that might be a red flag.

On a first date, you can get to know each other while still keeping the conversation light and fun.

If you go into too many details you might bore your date to death. For a man to tell you everything means he’s taking away the whole mystery behind you discovering things about each other naturally. Besides, his bad habits can stay hidden at least until things are official.

11He Gets Sloppy

If you guys end up dating for a long time, there are going to be lots of opportunities to get drunk together if that’s what you want to do. The first date is not the time for anyone to get drunk. If a guy shows up to your date already inebriated or proceeds to to drink too much during your date, it’s not a good thing at all. If a guy gets sloshed on a date, he’s likely to behave out of character and no one deserves that when they are out with a stranger. If a guy can’t hold off from getting drunk, then he’s not worth your time.

10He Points Out Your Flaws

Chances are if we have some flaws, we probably already know what they are. We don’t need our date to start pointing them out to us. Not only is it rude but what does he have to gain by doing so?

A guy should be making you feel good about yourself on a first date.

Giving someone too many compliments throughout the night can be just as bad, sure. But trust us when we say if someone is pointing out your flaws, there is a chance he’s a narcissist and you should want to avoid him at all costs.

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9He’s Rude To The Staff

Being rude to the people that are serving you is a clear sign that you may just be a jerk. If a guy is doing this on your first date, then you can bet he does this all the time. Dating a guy who is entitled or feels like he is better than everyone else is just going to ruin your date. No one likes to watch a guy be rude to someone that doesn’t deserve it. Save yourself some time and don’t go on a second date with this guy (and maybe make sure your server gets a good tip for the trouble!).

8He Complains The Whole Time

Nothing is worse than being on a date with someone that complains about everything, especially if you are someone that likes to look at the positive side of life.

There are just some people that seem to dislike everything and can’t seem to stop themselves about complaining about every little thing.

Radika Madhu, a 22-year-old advertisement executive describes a date she was once on, “So I meet this guy for the first time and he complained about everything in the world – religion, his job, his boss, his dad, his mom, his dog and humanity in general. By the end of it, I felt like throwing a drink in his face.”

7He Asks To Go Dutch

We are all for female empowerment and equal rights, but if a guy doesn’t pay on the first date we are going to assume he’s cheap. If you want to help pay for a meal on the fourth or fifth date or make some arrangement during your relationship, that’s fine and totally up to you. But a guy should be fine with paying for things on a first date, especially if he invited you out. It shows that he’s a gentleman and wants to make sure you are having a good time. A lot of people will debate on this one, but to us, it’s a must.

6He Pushes Your Boundaries

If you discover that you really like this guy and you want to get closer to him at the end of the evening, all the power to you. But if it’s not your thing, then don’t let someone talk you into it.

If a guy is pushing for something when you don’t feel the same way, then he doesn’t respect you.

You should be spending your first date trying to get to know each other anyway, without additional expectations. It’s not cool to be pressured to be intimate before you’re ready. If he does pressure you, end the date early and don’t give him a second one.

5He’s Argumentative With You

A first date should be light and fun, so it’s not really a time to get involved in serious conversations. The two of you are literally strangers, so keeping controversial topics off the table would probably be a good idea. It’s okay for everyone to express their opinions but a guy shouldn’t be pushing you to agree with everything he has to say. There is no need for a date to turn into an argument and if it does, then feel free to call it a night. If you guys end up dating there will be plenty of time to argue, it just shouldn’t be happening on your first date.

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4He Interviews You

There is such a thing as asking too many questions on a date. As we said before, a date is supposed to be light and fun; it’s not an interrogation.

Maybe he wants to make sure that you are interested in having kids or can support yourself before deciding to move forward with you.

Okay, sure. But if he goes about trying to find everything there is to know about you by peppering you with questions, it’s not a good sign. Going through an interview type date is not only painful for the other person but very boring as well.

3He’s Condescending Toward You

If a guy is condescending to you on the first date, you can bet that’s the way he’s going to treat you for the entire relationship. If a guy discovers that he is more knowledgeable on a subject than you are and proceeds to mock you, he doesn’t deserve another date. A common condescending statement would be something like this: “It’s cool; here, let me show you how it’s done.” There are plenty of ways that a guy can make you feel stupid just because you don’t know as much as he does, and whatever his intention, it’s not cool.

2He Doesn’t Plan Anything

One of the most fun things to do on a date is to try new places and to be surprised by your date. If your date doesn’t plan anything and just askes you what you want to do, that’s not exactly a good sign.

If a guy is really excited to date you, he should plan things out so you’ll both have a good time.

Relationship guru Tracey Cox says, “We want to hear that he chose the pub/restaurant to impress us, not just because it’s around the corner from where he works. Admitting to making a bit of effort isn’t geeky, it’s flattering.”

1He Has Mommy Issues

Yikes, fear the man that has mommy issues! There are few situations where a guy should even bring up his mother on a date. So if he discusses her a lot, it may be a red flag, no matter how sweet it seems on the surface. Tracey Cox states, “If he reveals that he’s still living with or too attached to his mother, it’s an obvious red flag. Equally as dangerous are men who foam at the mouth with ill-disguised hatred when he mentions her. And why is he mentioning his mother on a first date?”