Through all of my past heartbreaks and misfortunes with love, I have (subconsciously) learned to put up a wall around my heart. A wall that is very hard to get through but once you do, you will see a glimpse of the girl from before all of the pain and suffering.
The real me.
Once you pierce through that wall, you will be able to see the girl I was before the world crushed me and with every heartbreak, made me lose a little piece of me.
I need you to break through that wall and show me that all of my heartbreak wasn’t for nothing. I need you to be the one to collect all of my lost puzzle pieces and complete me.
You’re well on your way but I fear I might scare you away.
I have this paranoid feeling that you will realize that I am too damaged and stop fighting for me. You will realize that I am too much and run the other way.
Remember that weekend we spent at the lake? At that little cottage, with no electricity and no one within a 5-mile radius? It was just the two of us and it was the best feeling in the world. I felt SO connected to you.
Remember how we stayed in bed until noon, talking, cuddling and telling each other everything that was on our minds? I opened up to you like never before and that was the first time in a long time that I felt comfortable enough to let my guard down around someone.
You always had your arms wrapped so tightly around me that I felt like no one could harm me. You were my safe haven (you still are).
I know I can be a hard woman to love. I know that when I fall, it can seem as if I’m never getting back up.
I promise I’m trying to change that. I promise I’m trying to not let all of my past experiences shape me as a person and define our relationship. But I need YOU to help me get there. I can’t do this alone.
I hope this doesn’t frighten you. I hope you won’t go searching for someone ‘less’ damaged. I hope you can see past my walls. I’m still here, I just need you to find me along the way and never let me go back to that sunken place.
If love was that easy, would it really be worth it?
Not until you fight for someone with every fiber of your being, do you realize how much you love and appreciate them. Not until you go through so much shit with someone and manage to get to the other side, do you learn to hold it so close to your heart, and protect it at all costs.
Hardships teach us that. I should know.
When it starts getting scary, that’s when you know it’s worth fighting for. That is when you know you have something real.
So I am begging you to stay with me. Let me be the mess that I am and help guide me to the place we both know I can get to. I feel like I’m worth it and I know you feel it too.
I feel it every time you’re near me. I feel it in your every kiss and your every embrace.
When you kiss me, I feel the ground beneath me slipping away and it’s as if I’m on a cloud that is making me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. But at the same time, it’s scary. I feel like I can fall at any time. It’s like I’m so happy and I know something is going to come and ruin it for me.
This is where I need you to step up to the plate and prove to me that my paranoia is not real. That when you kiss me, you MEAN IT, and have no intention of leaving. I need to feel that you are fighting for me when I start slipping away.
Because it will happen. At times, I will feel insecure. But with your love and guidance, I feel like the safest gal in the world. Just don’t quit on me and I promise I will learn to give you my all.