When you end a love relationship, you feel lost and powerless. You feel like the whole world fell on your shoulders, and you are cracking every day. One thing that reminds you of him can make you start crying and fall apart.
You go through the end of your relationship day by day, and you ask yourself how you allowed someone to have such a strong impact on you. You feel like you are never going to recover and that you are too broken to love again.
And you live like a living corpse every day. You sit and stare at the blank space, trying to help yourself but being totally lost in the thoughts of the two of you that keep rushing to your head. And suddenly, you want to scream and let all your anger out.
You don’t want to act like that, but you can’t control your body and your heart. You are mad at yourself for being so blindly in love, and you can’t forgive yourself for letting him make a fool out of you.
And this is the same way I felt when I broke up with my ex. I felt all these negative things, but I couldn’t do anything to save myself, at least not in those moments when I was frustrated and hysterical. And I must admit that it took me a long time to get back on track again and to start living normally. It took me some time to heal properly and to be able to love again.
And since I didn’t know anything about breakups and the healing process, I learned all that only during my experience. I made a list of the things I should and shouldn’t do, and it worked very well for me. And if it worked well for me, maybe it will work for you as well so keep reading.
I miss my ex and these things helped me to ease my pain
1. The no contact rule
After my ex and I broke up, I realized that all my phone calls and my texts to him were just a wild shot and that it didn’t work for me at all. That’s how I came to an idea that I should leave him alone and not even ask him to explain why he left me in the first place.
I followed the 90 days no contact rule. I focused on my friends and family instead. And believe it or not, I started feeling better day by day. I thought that I will die without him at the beginning and that my life won’t make any sense, but in the end, I realized that I was much stronger than I thought I was.
I could feel like before again. I could smile and feel good in my own skin. I felt that I was worthy and enough, and that one bad man in my life doesn’t mean that all the others will be the same. I gave myself enough time to go through all the stages of grief and to get back on my feet again. Every day that I lived without him was a new battle but one that made a warrior out of me.
During this time, I learned that no matter what happens to me, I can always find some strength to get out of anything that makes me feel bad.
2. Negative energy has to go out
After my heartbreak, there were so many negative emotions inside of me, and I needed something that could help me to let them go. I figured out that I was in a bad mental state every time I would stay at home, thinking about him and things that could have happened.
I felt that while I was alone, I had enough time to think about the bad things because I couldn’t focus on the positive ones. In fact, I always took those positive ones for granted, thinking they will always be a part of my life. And when my breakup came, I realized that if I want something good in my life I have to fight for it.
And when I get it, I have to keep fighting to keep it there. So, I started to go out for walks since I wasn’t ready for some nightclubs and guys hitting on me. I spent time with my friends, and I could talk to them without being afraid that they will hold my words against me.
I realized that being outside can entertain me with different things, and in that way, it helped me to get over my breakup much easier. I started to feel better in my own skin, and the world wasn’t so gloomy anymore. I could see the rainbow after the rain, and I felt alive again.
3. Being rational
I know that being rational is not something you can achieve two days after your boyfriend leaves you, but after some time you need to sit down and organize that mess in your head. Every breakup is a painful experience, but during mine, I gave myself enough time for all the stages.
I gave myself time to cry my eyes out and to eat tons of ice-cream on my couch while watching romantic movies about a happy love. After that, I got rid of all his stuff and started planning activities with new people. And only when I was rational enough to think about him and me in the right way, I took all his pros and cons, and I put them down on paper.
And in the end, I added the way he left me, and at that moment I realized that I have nothing to do with that guy. I realized that he was just a tough lesson I had to learn. I learned that I will never let a man treat me like that, and I swore to myself that he will miss me when he realizes what he lost. And you know what the worst part was?
He realized, and he begged me to come back, but I could never be with someone who made me go through all that I have gone through.
4. Work, work, work
In that painful process of getting over my ex, I learned that I have to keep myself busy if I want to prevent thinking of him. That’s why I did the office work that didn’t belong to me, staying up very late just to avoid thinking of him.
While I was working, I felt useful and time flew by faster. I did everything in my power to stop missing my ex-boyfriend, and I must admit that I succeed in that. I learned what my limits were, and I could feel better in my own skin. I had the life that I had always wanted where I learned new things very fast, and in that way, I got credit from my bosses.
Everyone around me told me that I should slow down and have fun instead, but work was my vent I used every time I felt I was becoming depressed. And day by day, task by task, I managed to get out of the black hole I had fallen into. I could feel again, and life made some sense.
I felt that I had become a better person and that my sad love actually taught me a lesson that I could never have learned if it hadn’t happened.
5. The night out with friends—priceless
After the breakup and all the stages of grief, I felt I still missed my ex, but this time, I knew it wasn’t really missing him but the idea of him. And I decided to completely turn my life upside down.
I started going out with my friends (and no, we didn’t talk about him) and having fun. I wanted to feel that I was alive again and that life can be beautiful even if you don’t have a boyfriend. I learned to enjoy my single life, and I embraced every change that happened to me then.
I became richer for so many new people in my life and getting to know them was something that was fulfilling me on a daily basis. I realized that life has so much to offer and that I shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. I realized that I should never let myself being so addicted to a man in my life because you never know if he loves you or if he is only plays\ing games.
And I also realized that my friends will always be there for me, and that I can always count on them, no matter how bad the situation is.
6. I traveled to a place I always wanted to visit
It is true that I still miss my ex, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t get over him. I miss him in the nice moments that remind me of him, but I know that he is not a part of my life anymore and that we can’t be together.
For example, when we broke up, I decided to visit a place I had wanted to go with him, and when I arrived there, I wondered how it would have been like to be with him at that moment. I wished that we could work and that we could enjoy some time there.
But the fact I was alone in a beautiful place didn’t break me because I learned that I only have myself to rely on and that people can disappoint me quite often. Even if I went through a painful experience, I decided to get back on my feet and live the life I had always wanted.
I couldn’t stand being locked in a room, crying day and night, pitying myself for everything that had happened. Instead, I went out and continued where I stopped. And that moment, I felt that I had got my energy back and that I was the old me again
7. I got rid of depression with the help of my family
At some moments after you break a love relationship, you start being anxious that you won’t find any man and that you will forever be alone. That’s how my anxiety turned into a severe depression that I still feel.
at those moments, I felt like a piece of shit, and I thought I will never be the old me again. I thought that my last relationship killed any hope in me that I will love again.
I didn’t even want to talk with the guys who were hitting on me because I knew how it would finish. I hated all men, no matter how good they were. I was negative all the time, and my depression got bigger and bigger.
When my parents saw that I was losing hope to live, they started talking to me on a daily basis and begging me to find a good therapist. After they begged me to find some help for a long time, I decided that I couldn’t live like that and I found a therapist who actually helped me a lot.
I never thought that a conversation with someone unknown could be so helpful. After a couple of sessions, I felt that I give a damn about my life and that I want to make things right.
And from then until now, I am still fighting the battle of my life, but I feel that I am making some changes and that they are for the better.
8. I got rid of his things
I caught myself thinking about my ex every time I would go to bed and see our picture on my night table. And even if I didn’t think of him during the day, every night I would see that photo and I would start missing him again.
Then I realized that there is a reason I miss my ex and that I can’t keep his things close to me. So, I got rid of everything that reminded me of him and then I could finally breathe. I could focus on myself and on the things that mattered to me the most.
And that was the best decision I could make because being surrounded with his things was just a torture that I just wanted to stop. I realized that forgetting about someone has a lot to do with your state of mind and that it was up to me if I will stop missing my ex-boyfriend sooner or later. I figured it out that it was about time to get my old life back and to start enjoying life the best way I could.
9. I went through all the stages of grief
One thing that I had to do is to give myself enough time to heal and go through every stage of grief properly. I knew that if I tell myself that I can do it and that it doesn’t hurt so much, I will feel the consequences later.
That’s why I gave myself enough time and space to go through all that was bothering me. I cried. I screamed. I was depressed, and I wanted to kill my ex. I went through everything every woman goes through when she ends a love relationship. I can’t say that it wasn’t painful because it was. It was fucking bad, but I managed to come out as a winner.
Despite all those bad things that happened to me, I managed to keep my head high and to continue to live as nothing happened. But deep down, only I knew what had happened. Deep down it hurt, but I ignored it. I learned how to live with it, and I survived my heartbreak.
10. I avoided him
The most important thing that I did when I ended my long-term relationship was that I avoided my ex as much as I could. I knew that I was vulnerable and that he might take advantage of that by asking me to be with him again.
So, I felt the best way to get him out of my system was to simply avoid him and the places where he goes. By doing that, I saved myself from the agony of not knowing what to do if I saw him and totally lost myself. I didn’t even meet our mutual friends because I didn’t want them to tell me how he was and if he asked about me.
I just wanted to be as far away as I could from him, and I managed to do that. And now when I look at all that with a cool head, I can feel that I did the right thing at the right moment. I listened to my heart which was already broken because of him, and I moved on.
And today, I am a happy woman while he is still the same piece of shit.
11. I accepted what happened
I know that you don’t want to hear advice like this currently, but you need to accept what happened in order to move on. You need to know that you can lie to yourself that you are okay for a couple of days, but it won’t last forever.
In the end, it will all hit you, even stronger than the day when everything happened. And you will suffer with the same intensity because the pain won’t go just like that. The pain will be there until you decide to process it. And when you do, everything will be much easier.
That’s why accepting what happened is the first thing you need to do. In that way, you will get back on your feet much more easily and much more quickly,, and you will heal better. If I hadn’t done those things when I ended my relationship, I would probably still be missing my ex and not knowing what to do with my life.
But since I immediately accepted what happened, I recovered much faster, and now I don’t feel any consequences. In fact, I can feel like life blessed me the day he broke up with me because I could finally enjoy my life only when he wasn’t there.
12. I decided to move on
This! This is the best revenge for your ex and the best way to heal properly. Moving on isn’t just about trying to forget what happened. It is a firm decision to not live a depressed and sad life but a high-quality life that we all crave.
When I moved on, I felt that life can still be beautiful. I saw many hurt people who had a similar destiny as myself, and they, just like me, decided to move on and to forget about all those bad things that happened to them. I won’t lie to you and tell you that I don’t think about my ex sometimes.
There are times when I miss my ex but then I switch my mind to something else because I know that the two of us are a story that is already finished. At those moments, I realize that life isn’t all about good things. It is about those bad ones as well. And the sooner you accept that truth, the easier will it be for you.
Once you move on, you are choosing to be a warrior, a winner who was hurt but is still standing with his two feet on the ground.
You choose not to be the one who is broken and left on the ground, but the one who will lift himself up and fight for himself.
Because if you won’t fight for yourself, nobody else will. If you won’t respect yourself, nobody else will, and the most important thing: If you don’t love yourself, trust me, nobody else will.
If you pay closer attention to the things that surround you, you will be able to see that you can make a perfect life with their help. You will realize that God never closes one door until he opens another one, and you need to believe that good things happen to good people.
So, a good man will enter your life sooner than you expect it, and you will finally get what you craved so much, just like me. You will get the man whose love feels like home.