I Don’t Have It In Me To Chase You Anymore
I’m too tired to keep on doing this.
I just don’t have any strength left in me to do this anymore. I think that it’s finally enough.
I liked you so much that I was willing to do everything for you and nothing was too hard if it made you happy. But, you’ve used me, and now I’m just tired. I don’t even want to chase after you. I don’t even want to put the slightest effort into getting closer to you.
Get used to the fact that you are no longer my priority. You are no longer number one in my life. Get used to the fact that you’re going to wait hours to get a text back from me, and there is no more my running to your door in the middle of the night because you feel like hanging out.
What about how I feel?
My feelings matter, and I’ve finally realized that.
I’m not doing this to hurt you. I’m not angry with you, and I don’t want revenge. I’m not that petty. It’s just that I can’t take it anymore. I have no strength or nerves left to be there for you every second of the day.
I don’t want to jump when you say hop. I don’t want to constantly try to make you happy because I’m hurting myself in the process.
I’ve completely neglected my needs and things I want to do. My life somehow only got one purpose—making you happy.
You kept me in the dark. You kept me thinking that we were going to be a couple, but the only thing you wanted is someone to chase you, someone to tend to your needs and grant your wishes.
I’m sorry, but I’m out.
You’re not that special to me anymore. I won’t think carefully about what to say to you fearing that I might say something wrong which will pull me away from you. I’m not going to try so hard anymore for you to like me.
I’m going to act around you exactly how I want to. I’m going to say the first thing that comes to my mind because I know that the real me is far more interesting than this person I’m pretending to be just so you like me.
I know you won’t be happy about this. You’ve enjoyed having a girl run around you, trying to turn your life into a perfect one—but perfect for you. Who would give that up?
Now, you’re going to be surprised because I won’t be running to your door just because you don’t feel like watching a movie alone or you need someone to bring you something along the way, so you thought: “What the hell, I’m gonna call her!”
I’m not playing the game by your rules. Not anymore.
I think less of you know. You are no longer that attractive and the butterflies in my stomach are much calmer now when I see you. Your smile is not that beautiful anymore. All in all, you’re just no longer that special.
I wonder how you could possibly even think that this little game you’re playing is going to last forever. Did you honestly think that I will be running after you for the rest of my life? That I’m going to crave your touch and imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with you?
Did you really think that I am going to comfort myself with thinking that I’m almost there because you keep sending me mixed signals and you keep giving me false hope?
Well, I hate to break it to you, but I’m not feeling sorry for myself anymore. I’m not lying to myself by thinking I’m almost there, that any day now you’re going to ask me to be your girlfriend.
Back then when I wanted to give you everything, I think I really gave it my all. I gave you so much that I had nothing left even if we started a relationship. You’ve drained me in the beginning, and we weren’t even together.
I’m glad that I’ve realized that my feelings were one-sided. There were none of yours in this relationship we had. Maybe now and then you cared for me—but just because you didn’t have anything better to do.
Usually, at the first sign of something more exciting or interesting, you would ditch me.
I didn’t really come to a realization that you aren’t the guy for me. I didn’t have an epiphany and see things clearly. I just got tired of chasing you. I don’t have it in me anymore, so I quit.