Being cheated on can seriously mess you up. And it’s no surprise that not only your heart broke into pieces because you were betrayed by someone you love but you can’t shake that feeling that someone you cared so much about picked somebody else over you, and it hurts so damn much.
And thinking in that way is the biggest mistake we make. We start trying to the cause for being cheated on in ourself. It seriously hurts our self-esteem or even makes us lose it completely. We start comparing ourself to that other woman, seeing her pros and cons and comparing them with our own. We are desperately trying to see what she has that we don’t.
We actually end up blaming ourself in a way. We start questioning if we were enough, if we loved deeply enough, if our looks and our intelligence were enough, if our behavior didn’t go down well with him, if there was something we could have done differently to change the outcome—and the list goes on. The only thing we achieve by thinking like this is getting sidetracked and losing our confidence.
Of course it’s not about us. Of course we are good enough, we are beautiful, we have all the love, respect and understanding within us, and we gave our absolute best. Of course we are more than enough. The truth is that person who cheated wasn’t good enough for us and he is the only one to blame in this situation.
This way of thinking has to stop immediately. If we let it go on, it will only ruin our social relationships, work relationships, future love relationships and the most important relationship of all—the one we have with ourself.
That’s why we have to take some steps and win back our confidence:
1. Realize that his poor behavior had nothing to do with you.
You are not the one to blame in this situation. He is the only reason and the only cause for his cheating. And while he might give you numerous reasons and lame excuses, why he did what he did was that he has low self-esteem. He cheated so he could feel good about himself, so he could boost his confidence by charming other women into his bed. Isn’t that as low as he can get?
2. Try looking at things from another angle.
Maybe all this heartache and pain happened because God is trying to protect you from everything that’s not meant for you. Maybe you wouldn’t have opened your eyes to everything else that was bad in the relationship if it hadn’t been for the cheating. I know it hurts now but one day you will wake up next to the love of your life and thank your ex for cheating on you and being such a low life, as if he hadn’t you would never have met somebody a million times better than him. Everything that happens in life is a lesson in itself. Some lessons are painful, some are painless but they all teach us something valuable and get us to the places that are meant for us.
3. Surround yourself with positive people.
The worst thing you can do now is be alone and overthink things. Spend time with friends and family, they are always there for you no matter what and they are your greatest supporters. They will always be there to listen and show you how much they love you. You shouldn’t keep your feelings bottled up inside.
If you lose track of yourself or your worth, they will remind you just how valuable you are. They will build up your self-esteem in no time. Make sure you thank them for that. They are your support group and they add value to your life as you do to theirs.
4. Do something for yourself.
Lying in bed and crying can be beneficial for a short period of time but you can’t waste too many of your tears on somebody who is unworthy of you. For me in situations like this, spite did the trick. I got back up from that just to prove to him and to myself that he didn’t get the best of me. I found strength somewhere inside of me; even though my heart was broken, I wasn’t about to quit on myself.
I started doing things I always wanted to do but kept postponing—I started a gym class, I got some new hobbies and tried new activities. In doing that, I met new people. I was always out there doing something, growing, evolving and it made me more energetic. Find what you are interested in and pursue it. You need some challenges and fun in your life now and you need to make yourself proud.
Go easy on yourself. Healing is never easy and it’s a long process but you will get there. Work on getting your confidence back—don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you down. As you start to take care of yourself more, you will care less and less about him. After you completely regain your confidence, he will be nothing more than a distant memory.