20 Date Behaviors Women Should Pay More Attention To (& 5 That Are No Big Deal)
Unfortunately, as any solo woman knows, bad dates definitely occur, and even though movies and TV shows are fictional, there are some truths there. Some dates really can truly feel like a waste of an evening and can make single women feel like they’re not going to meet anyone.
There are many things that a guy can do on a first date that are obviously bad and would make any woman think, “Moving on…” But there are also things that might not happen every time but are still not the best way to act. It’s a good idea to be aware of these behaviors and know that a second date isn’t in the cards.
Here are 20 bad first date behaviors that ladies should pay more attention to, along with five normal things that are
25Bad: Wanting Us To Agree To A Second Date Right Away
Some people might think that it’s super romantic to ask someone to go on a second date while still on the first. While there are certain circumstances when this would work (like when it’s clear that you two are soulmates), in most cases, this is way too much too soon.
Many people like following the “slow and steady wins the race” school of thought when it comes to dating.
It’s easy to feel awkward and uncomfortable if a guy mentions seeing us again when we’re still in the “we’ve met and are getting to know each other” stage. This is definitely one bad first date behavior that we should never ignore.
24Bad: Saying We Should Or Shouldn’t Order Food
Sometimes we go on a dinner date and other times, it’s just for a drink. Sometimes we’re hungry enough to order a cheeseburger and fries and other times, we order a healthy salad or just an appetizer.
It’s really not any of our date’s business what we choose to eat or don’t eat. We wouldn’t want to comment on what they’re ordering, either. That’s why if our date says that we should order food and makes a big deal out of it, or on the flip side says that we shouldn’t be ordering what we’ve chosen, that’s bad first date behavior.
23Normal: Checking Their Phone Once Or Twice
Of all the bad first date actions that we often hear about, it’s possible that checking your phone is always at the top of the list. It’s rude and disrespectful to the person that you’re out with, right? But when you think about it, is checking your phone once or twice during a first date really so bad?
It seems like a pretty normal thing that is tough to avoid sometimes.
For example, if your date goes to the bathroom, you’re definitely going to pull out your phone, and if they see you using it when they return to the table, that’s totally fine. And if you get a phone call or text, that’s fine as well. The same thing is true for the guy that we’re on a date with. We shouldn’t be upset if he checks his phone a few times.
22Bad: Talking Over Us And Interrupting
Everyone dislikes being interrupted. It’s probably one of the rudest things that someone could do.
People especially don’t like being interrupted on first dates, and it’s honestly really disappointing that this does happen sometimes. If we’ve ever had this experiences, chances are, we weren’t excited to go on a second date. If our date talks over us a lot and also interrupts us, we can count this evening as a bad first date. It’s a weird way to behave since it makes us wonder if they want to hear what we have to say and why they feel they need to keep talking over us.
21Bad: Being Unsupportive About Our Job
Something else that we should definitely pay more attention to on a first date is if the guy isn’t supportive about our job.
Sure, it might seem like a random comment about our job here and there doesn’t really matter, but these things will add up.
If we end up dating him and we’re in a serious relationship, we’re not going to want him to say negative things about what we do for a living. It’s going to be really upsetting and hard to hear. We need to be with someone who supports us and thinks that our job is awesome, and who understands that what we do is really important to us.
20Bad: Staring At The Table/Floor Instead Of Us
While too much eye contact can be kind of creepy and wouldn’t be something that anyone is looking for, we don’t want to be on a date with a guy who won’t look at us at all.
If he stares at the floor and the table the whole time and won’t look us in the eye, we might feel weird about it. This is another first date behavior that we should pay more attention to. He might be way too shy to be in a relationship, or he might be having a bad time and he isn’t interested in dating us (it’s cool, we know that not everyone gets along).
19Normal: Bringing Up A Past Date/What They’re Looking For In A Relationship
We always hear that we shouldn’t bring up marriage or say that we want kids on the first date. While those topics might be better discussed once we’re in a relationship with someone, we might find ourselves on a first date with a guy who mentions that he’s looking for something serious. He also might bring up a past date that he went on (or even a past relationship).
Is this okay? Totally. Because it’s normal and natural for these things to come up in conversation.
It’s good for us to know where he stands on the whole serious commitment thing and could be interesting information.
18Bad: Complaining Constantly
It can be tough to understand how someone could be in a relationship with a complainer. Most people would agree that they don’t want to date someone who is very negative.
We should definitely pay more attention if this happens on the first date because this is who this guy is. Even if we agree with what he’s saying or think that he’s had a bad day and is just blowing off steam, it’s possible that he’s got a very negative personality and that this is what it would be like to be in a relationship with him. That doesn’t sound like too much fun.
17Bad: Saying They Don’t Like The Bar Or Restaurant
We’re at a bar or restaurant that we don’t think is that great, but we’re on a first date. Do we tell our date how we feel? Definitely not. We want to be polite and positive and we don’t want our date to think that we’re a complainer or that we’re being annoying.
Sure, if we end up dating each other more seriously, we could admit that we weren’t super big on that restaurant (especially since we don’t want to go again).
But the first date isn’t the right time. If this guy says that he doesn’t like the place that we’re at on our first date, that’s something that we should pay attention to. It could show us that he’s overly negative or someone who doesn’t really like anything.
16Bad: Bringing Up Sensitive Subjects Like Money
Money is a sensitive topic for many (if not all) people. It can be hard to share that you’re worried about money or are having a tough time saving or anything that could be going on.
Money isn’t the best thing to chat about on a first date. You don’t want to talk about such a personal thing with someone that you’ve just met or don’t know very well. You might not even talk about money with your family or friends, let alone someone that you’re on a first date with. It’s definitely best to table this subject (and talk about what you’re watching on TV instead, which is a much more pleasant subject).
15Normal: Being Nervous And Talking Too Much Or Too Little At First
Everyone can agree that going on a first date is nervewracking. You’re trying to be really awesome and you want your date to think that you’re the best. And you want to think the same thing about them, too.
It’s normal that your date might be so nervous that he doesn’t talk very much for the first little while or, on the flip side, he rambles and talks quite a lot.
Instead of thinking that this is a bad way to act, it’s a good idea to remember that nerves get the best of everyone and that he could just want to make a good impression on you. As the night goes on, he could get more comfortable, and it could work out.
14Bad: Insulting Their Family
It’s not great if your date insults his family on any date but especially not the first one. This is the first time that you’re sitting down with him and having a real discussion, and this is a pretty negative thing to say.
Even if he doesn’t get along very well with his relatives or there is some complicated family history there, it’s not exactly first date fodder. It might be best to save that for later on in the relationship (if it gets to that point, of course). It’s a good idea to pay attention to the way that he talks about his family.
13Bad: Saying Dating Is Stupid/Love Doesn’t Exist
Sure, we’re not about to say that we’ve fallen in love with someone on the first date. Even the most hopeless of hopeless romantics know that is a bit much and probably pretty unrealistic.
But it’s tough to be on a first date with a guy who says that he doesn’t believe in love and, in fact, love doesn’t even exist.
While we could definitely see this as a random throwaway comment and move on our with our evening, it’s worth paying attention to. If we do believe in love and want to find that with someone, we need to date someone who believes in that, too.
12Bad: Giving Flowers Or Being Weirdly Sappy And Romantic
A first date isn’t the right time to be given flowers or have our date be super romantic in a really over-the-top and uncomfortable way. This is just weird and not something that should occur right now.
It’s too soon for sappy (or any kind of) romance. It’s tempting to think that this is sweet and that some romance is a nice touch on a first date, but it’s better to save that stuff for a bit later on in the relationship. You know, once we’ve gotten a chance to get to know each other and become more comfortable around each other.
11Bad: Telling Us How We Feel Or What We Think
We should also pay more attention if a guy tells us how we feel or think on the first date. We could call this “mansplaining” since it might fall into that category. We could also just say that it’s not very nice (that definitely works, too).
There is no reason for someone to do this.
If they don’t agree with our opinion or thoughts on a subject, that’s cool, but they shouldn’t tell us that we’re wrong or try to change our minds. If we end up dating this person, they could act like that about all of our opinions, and that wouldn’t be good at all.
10Bad: Saying Something About Our Height Or Appearance
No girl wants to hear a comment about their height (whether they’re short or tall) on a first date. That’s going into rude territory for sure and would make us want to leave right away and not even see how the rest of the evening was going to go.
As a general rule, we don’t want our date to say anything about our appearance. We think that he should be polite enough to sidestep that topic and talk about other things. Once we start dating, then sure, we would love to hear that he thinks that we’re beautiful or that he likes our style. But not on the first date.
9Normal: Oversharing And Getting Personal
We hear so many things about how not to act on a first date, and oversharing or talking about really personal topics is often part of that list. We have to ask, though: is this is really such a bad thing?
Sometimes, oversharing just happens naturally.
If this guy feels really comfortable with us, he might find himself talking about his parent who is going through a tough time or his friend who just lost his job or is getting divorced. It’s honestly okay and could help us connect to each other and realize that we’re meant to be dating.
8Bad: Complaining If We Get A Text/Phone Call And Check It For One Second
Just like we’re not going to mind if our date looks at his cell phone a few times over the course of the night, we don’t want him to get upset when we do the same thing.
If he does get upset, we wouldn’t think that the date was going very well, and it wouldn’t make us feel very good. It would seem like a weird way to act since he should be able to understand that if we got a phone call or a text message, we would want to quickly check it out. We’re not trying to be rude, we just want to see if the call or text is important.
7Bad: Asking Us If They Like Them
We don’t have to believe in love at first sight to think that we can tell pretty quickly whether we like a guy or we don’t want to see him again.
Hopeless romantic, regular romantic, or not romantic at all, we can figure out someone’s vibe.
Do we want this guy to ask us if we like him? No, not really. That kind of question will make us feel uncomfortable and we don’t want to be put on the spot. It might also make him look insecure, and that would make us feel bad since we don’t want him to be nervous. If we like him, he’s going to find out, so he doesn’t need to ask us this on the first date.
6Bad: Asking A Million Questions
By now, we’ve heard the whole “a first date is like a job interview” comparison about a million times. And a million questions is exactly what we don’t want to be asked during a first date.
It’s cool when the discussion flows and we can just chat about random stuff. We feel less pressure and it feels like we already know this person and can really talk to them. Otherwise, we’re going to keep thinking, “This is a first date and it’s super awkward” and it might be hard to open up to them. A few questions are fine and of course, we’re going to be asked some things, but we don’t want to answer too many.
5Bad: Not Being Themselves And Putting On Airs
Sometimes, people are nervous about going on a first date and end up acting much differently than they would with a family member or friend. They don’t act like themselves at all and put on airs or seem to adopt a totally new personality.
We might not know what this guy is like in his regular life, but we can probably tell when he’s not being himself.
It’s just a feeling that we get and we can absolutely tell when he seems uncomfortable or anxious. We don’t want to see this at all and we want to know who he really is. Otherwise, we don’t know if we should see him again or if we even have a love connection.
4Bad: Insisting On Walking Us Home
Safety is an important thing on a first date. You don’t know this person and want to make sure to keep certain details about your private life, such as your address and neighborhood, under wraps.
If your date insists on walking you home, you’re not going to be happy about that, and that’s another bad first date behavior that really can’t be ignored. It’s good to remember that when you explain yourself to someone (in this case, say that you can get home on your own) and they keep saying that they insist, that’s unfair. They should listen to you and respect how you feel.
3Bad: Saying They Have Another Date Lined Up That Evening
It’s become common for someone to line up a bunch of first dates in the same night. Some of us might do that and think that it’s an efficient way to meet people, and others might think that it’s not the best idea.
No matter where we stand on this subject, we can probably admit that we don’t want the guy that we’re on a first date with to let us know that he’s got another date lined up in an hour or so.
It just doesn’t feel good and would make us feel like we’re not important or like he’s not taking the time to get to know us.
2Normal: Admitting They Want A Girlfriend
It’s okay if we’re on a date and the guy that we’re out with says that he wants a girlfriend or he’s looking for a serious relationship. At first, we might think that he shouldn’t have said anything about this because the so-called dating rules might tell us that being that honest on the first date is a big no-no.
Is this really so bad, though? This first date behavior might actually be pretty normal. It’s always good when a guy is honest, especially when we want to date him, and this could be a good sign that he’s not into playing games and just wants to find the right girl.
1Bad: Asking Us Out Again And Not Taking No For An Answer
Every girl dreams of a wonderful first date where, at the end of the evening, the guy that they’re out with asks to see them again. That’s what dating dreams are made of.
It’s not so great when the guy asks you out a second time and won’t take no for an answer.
That would be more of a nightmare. That can change the vibe of the evening immediately and make it very awkward and uncomfortable. When we experience this, we’re going to have to say that it wasn’t a successful evening, and hope that the next first date doesn’t have any of these behaviors.