Jealousy is a real pain in the ass when it comes to relationships. There’s not a single person who hasn’t felt jealous about their partner in one way or another, and the question is: Why is it so?
Why do we feel jealous even when we trust our partners with all of our hearts? Why do we have that burning sensation when we see our partner really enjoying a conversation with another woman or man?
There are various reasons for jealousy and believe it or not, they all start within you. You have to understand that you are the initiator of your own jealousy, and in most cases, it has nothing to do with your partner.
Being jealous of something means being afraid of something.
I know it’s difficult to understand, but when you’re being jealous of your partner, you’re actually experiencing fear. And in most cases, it is a fear of being abandoned. It is a fear that your partner is going to find someone better, prettier, smarter or sexier than you.
And what does this tell you about yourself? It is a sure indicator that the reason for jealousy is a lack of self-confidence. But, this shouldn’t be so because you are an amazing woman/man, and you don’t deserve to leave in fear of being abandoned.
Once you understand this, it is of crucial importance to start working on yourself. You need to remember what the trigger was for you feeling this way.
You should never hold it inside because it is not healthy for your overall mental and physical health. Suppressing something means delaying an atomic bomb.
At first, it will not seem like a problem, but eventually, it will explode, and this might irreversibly ruin your relationship. Never suppress anything because that’s the worst thing you could ever do for yourself and your partner.
Instead, try to understand your problem, and seek understanding from your partner. That way you will feel much more comfortable about the situation, and you will preserve a healthy relationship.
Always have in mind how your jealousy will affect your partner and you and whether it is worth your nerves and time. Be persistent and follow the tips below that will help you get rid of this annoying feeling of being jealous in your relationships.
HOW TO STOP BEING JEALOUS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
1. Think about the reason of your jealousy
The first thing that you need to do is to think about the reason of your jealousy. Have they done something to you before so that you simply don’t trust them anymore? Have you always had problems with jealousy? If yes, think about the things that you’ve been jealous of.
Think of every single situation in which you’ve been jealous, and you will have a clear insight into your situation. When it comes to jealousy, the most important thing is to understand what is going on in your head. If you’re not in touch with yourself, you will never be able to get rid of it.
And that is why it is never a good choice to yell at your partner when you haven’t contemplated it beforehand. If you yell, you will only make things worse, and your partner will be confused.
And you’ll get even madder when you realize that your jealousy is not valid. Breathe out, breathe in, and take some time to think about it.
2. Think about your fears
Next step is to think about your biggest fears. When you’re jealous, what is going through your head? Do you start thinking that you’re not good enough, and your partner will leave you when they find someone better?
Do you fear that your partner is not in love with you anymore because he’s been acting weird lately? Do you have a fear that your partner will eventually cheat on you?
Now ask yourself whether your fear is valid. Has your partner told you that you’re not good enough or that they will find someone better than you? Have his actions proved to you that he’s about to cheat on you?
If not, your fear is not valid.
You need to understand that it’s all in your head. And your suspicion is a part of your imagination that gets evoked when fear kicks in. The fear you feel is the fear of yourself.
You fear that you’re not good enough and that there are other more attractive people who could easily replace you. Understand that fear, kill that fear and you’ll be halfway to your freedom of jealousy.
3. Be confident in yourself
In order to get rid of your fear, you need to regain your confidence that you’ve lost somehow. Write down all of the positive things about yourself on a piece of paper, and read it ten times if needed. Understand that your partner wouldn’t be with you if he wasn’t interested in you in the first place.
Never think of yourself as a second choice because if you do, you will be treated as one. You are enough, and you matter. Be happy about all of those great achievements you have in your life, and be joyful for your friends and family. Embrace the positivity that you’re experiencing with your partner instead of focusing on new reasons for jealousy.
Being confident means enjoying life, and being sure in the things you choose and the things you have. It means you’re not afraid of anything because you know your worth.
You know what you bring to the table, and you’re not afraid to eat alone. And if they don’t appreciate you, make sure to get rid of them, and save yourself from unnecessary trouble.
4. Stay off social media
Social media is the number one problem when it comes to jealousy. For some reason, the first thing that comes to your mind when you’re jealous is to check your partner’s account. You search for clues only to validate your jealousy.
And when you find nothing, you simply don’t stop there. You keep searching somewhere else until you find something, even if it is trivial. Just don’t do this. When you feel like the feeling of jealousy is overwhelming you, don’t even think about social media.
Don’t check on him. Don’t ask your partner’s friends about him and don’t stalk that random girl or man, seeing them as a potential threat to your relationship. The only one who is a potential threat here is unfortunately you.
I recently read about the woman who smashed her now ex boyfriend’s laptop because he was chatting with a female she wasn’t familiar with. And it turned out that the female was his cousin. Imagine the seriousness of consequences jealousy can cause.
If not valid, it can destroy your entire relationship along with your self-respect because once you realize the real reason of something, it might shock you. Not everything is as you see it.
Remember that jealousy is a delusion that makes you wonder and question everything for no apparent reason. And remember to stay away from social media.
5. Focus on the positive things of your relationship
Instead of focusing on your worst fears and ‘what ifs’, focus on the positive things that your relationship is giving you. Remember that you have an amazing partner who loves you and would do anything for you.
Don’t let your own insecurities change that picture about them. Your relationship should be your greatest shelter from all of the troubles and negativities of the outer world. And you should never take it for granted and destroy all the good you have for some imagined reasons.
If you find it hard to focus on the positive things, simply distract yourself. Do the dishes. Go for a walk. Talk about it with someone, and you’ll feel much better than if you were just sitting and waiting for the feeling to pass.
Always distract yourself when you sense that the feeling of jealousy is imprisoning you. Don’t let it penetrate your mind because you’re stronger than that. If it helps, write down some good qualities about your partner, and remind yourself of them when necessary.
6. Don’t put them on a leash
Never take away your partner’s freedom because of jealousy. That is the sure recipe for disaster. Don’t put them on a leash, expecting that they will dance as you play. Once you take away their freedom, the game is over.
If you’re constantly checking on their whereabouts, asking them when they will be home, calling multiple times to make sure that they didn’t lie to you, you will destroy every single bit of trust in your relationship. Your relationship will become a destructive building that is about to collapse any moment.
By controlling them, you’re controlling your fears. You’re not checking on him repeatedly because you’re worried about his intentions. You’re doing it because you’re worried about yourself. And you need to control yourself in order to control the situation.
Don’t ever let yourself go to the extent of destroying your partner’s freedom because it is a necessary part of every relationship. We all need some time for ourselves, and if you’re going to be persistent in not letting them enjoy life, they will feel imprisoned and will try to find a way out of the labyrinth they’re in.
7. Talk to them about it
When the feeling of jealousy overwhelms you, consider talking to your partner about it. Some people refuse to do this out of fear that they’ll hear something they don’t want to hear. And that is another form of fear that needs to be overcome.
Be honest with your partner, and tell him or her what worries you. Ask them what their opinion on all of this is. And when you do that, pay attention to how they say it and what they say. If you see that s/he’s being honest, you should discard your jealousy treatment immediately because there’s simply no point.
But, if you think that your partner is hiding something from you, you have every right to yell at him if needed and demand that he tell you everything. You see, jealousy makes it easy for you to get mistaken and attack your partner for something they didn’t do because you’re driven by a powerful force and not by your reason. So, think about what your partner says, and if you feel it’s true, believe it.
8. Keep a journal
Consider keeping a journal and writing down everything that comes to your mind when you feel helpless. Journaling is a great way of understanding the things you’re going through because you’ll have great insight on the things that bother you.
And once you write it down, you will be able to judge the validity of your own thoughts. Write your thoughts when you’re mad and then read them again when you feel good. You will realize that it was all in your head and that you were imagining things.
If you’re not the writing type, record your thoughts on your phone. Listen again when you’ve calmed down. Sounds a little extreme, right?
You can also talk to your friends or family. I’m sure they will be eager to help you. Two heads are always better than one (at least that’s what they say). The other person will be the thing you lack in these situations and that is – reason.
It’s hard to be reasonable when you’re feeling like your world is collapsing before your eyes, and there is nothing wrong in asking others for help by listening to you. It’s one of the best ways of coping with jealousy.
9. Let go of the past
If your partner has cheated on you in the past and now you feel like you can’t trust them anymore, you should think about it in detail. Has your partner show remorse after that and told you that s/he will never do anything like it again?
If s/he did, the chances are he’s truly sorry for his behavior, and you shouldn’t be worry about them cheating on you. You need to let go of the past if you want to enjoy the present. We all make mistakes because we’re only humans after all.
And if your partner admits and realizes their mistake, you should know that they mean it. Let go of the past if you want to let go of jealousy. It’s as simple as that.
10. Believe that you deserve to be loved
Always remind yourself that you deserve to be loved. If you believe it, you will act like it. If you feel comfortable in your skin and you ooze with confidence, jealousy will have no chance to destroy that balance.
I’ll repeat it again: It’s all in your mind, and if you believe it, your mind will believe it, too. If you believe that you are worthy of love and all the good things your relationship has to offer you, it will be so.
You deserve to be loved just as you deserve the air you’re breathing. You should never think differently or let anyone tell you differently. Love yourself. Show the world that you’re not afraid of quirks and flaws and that your insecurities don’t determine who you are.
It is totally normal to feel insecure sometimes because this reminds us of being human. It reminds us that we’re allowed to be imperfect, and that’s the beauty of the world we live in.