What you and I had was special. At least, it was for me. And for years, I thought our relationship meant the same for you as well. I thought you cared about me the same way I cared about you and I thought you loved me the same way I loved you. Most of all, I thought we both wanted badly for our relationship to work out.
In the beginning, I saw you as a loving and caring guy, as a man who would make all my dreams come true. I really wanted to believe in your love even though I rarely had anything to hold on to.
But I guess I was wrong. After some time spent together, you showed me your true colors. You showed me that you were actually an abusive manipulator and a toxic sociopath. But that was something I refused to accept at first. Now I know that I was just misinterpreting all the signs you were sending me and I saw them the way I wanted to see them. When you were jealous, I thought you loved me and I didn’t see your possessive and controlling nature. When you were yelling at me, I thought you were just passionate and hot-tempered and I didn’t see that you were actually abusive. When you didn’t respect me or my opinions, I thought you just wanted what was best for me and I didn’t see that you were actually manipulative.
And even when I realized all of these things, I still wanted you to stay by my side. Even when I saw your true face, I was still afraid to lose you and I was petrified that there might come a time when you’d walk away from me. I simply couldn’t picture my life without you in it. I was ready to withstand whatever it took just to have you by my side. I was ready to endure all of life’s difficulties and everything you were putting me through just to keep you around.
Because my biggest fear was that you would leave me. I was ready to do whatever it took just to keep that from happening.
But I didn’t manage to do that. All of my efforts and everything I did for you weren’t enough to keep you by my side.
And when you left me, I thought that was the worst thing that could happen to me. I thought I’d die without you by my side and I never thought I could survive your departure. I couldn’t imagine existing without you and your absence made me want to die. I won’t talk about all the pain I went through because that is a period of my life I wish to forget about.
I’ll only say that after months of being broken into a million pieces, I’ve finally started putting myself back together. And after a while, I felt like I was reborn. I felt like I was seeing the entire world around me for the first time.
I felt like I was seeing myself for the first time ever. And I was nothing like you had described me. I wasn’t weak and good for nothing. Instead, I was strong and capable. I was a beautiful and smart woman. I was stronger than everything that was bringing me down, stronger than everything you did to me for years, stronger than you leaving me and stronger than you’ll ever be.
And that is something I would never have known if you hadn’t left me. I would never know everything I am capable of and I would never know how strong I actually am if you had stayed by my side.
Yes, at first I thought you leaving me would destroy me and that it would kill me. But actually, it turned me into a phoenix, who rose from the ashes, stronger than ever.
Now I know that you walking away from me was actually the best thing that could have happened to me. I am finally liberated from you and from your torture and that is the best feeling I’ve ever experienced. I thought I would die without you but it turns out I was reborn.
After all these years, I am finally free. And there is nothing you can do to take that freedom away from me.
